Its love

I hesitate to write anything down in regards to my feelings right now or details of what is going on. But I have to say something. Its what has really been going on with me. Its where my thoughts have been for weeks now. She's who I wish I could be with this instant.

But for now I will make this short and sweet. For now I will just say that I love this girl. She is, hands down, one of the best and most selfless people I have ever met. She has always made me want to try harder and to be better. I feel blessed in ways I can not explain to have her, and her family, in our lives. I am better because I know her.
(and yes, we are wearing matching shirts in different colors. We think we are that funny)

I love her!!!

She is the best baby I could have ever imagined.... I love her. She is silly, sweet, snuggly, happy, peaceful, loving, joyful and best of all? Mine forever!!!!!

Grateful

I am grateful. Just so grateful.

I am extremely humbled at what I have.

So, recently, I do a few things differently.

I read longer bedtime stories without flinching.

My arms are a little tighter as I hug my kids.

My voice is softer.

I am more patient.

I try to get down on all four's and play "cat" with Ella.

I observe a little more lovingly.

I recognize that material things should not matter to me. Time matters to me.

I spend more time doing what the kids wold like, even if I am tired. Even if they want to go to the park to play soccer at 4:30 in the afternoon. Even if I am hot.

I cherish the time with Olivia in the middle of the night as her tiny body lay in my long arms.

I contemplate just how possible it is for me to have and to adore one more baby (though no time soon)

I work out consistently to take care of this amazing body that can do so much for me.

There are a few things I do differently, with more purpose. I try harder to be intentional as I love and raise my kids. I reflect more about the amazing Husband I have been blessed with. I appreciate this gospel and want to do better at living it more fully.

I have much to be grateful for.

Don't we all?

My Day

My Mothers Day was filled with peace, sweetness, thoughtfulness, laughter and even a few tears thanks to a wonderful Relief Society class and the blessing of a righteous Bishop.

I awoke to a delicious Breakfast made by Dave. This feat was huge. The fact that he one, has Mono; and two, had to start it at 6am in order to have it ready and eaten before a 8:30am Ward, made it all the more meaningful. He is about as good as any Husband and Father can get.

Luke had proudly displayed his projects which he made in School and anxiously met me at the base of the stairs to lead me to them. He announced that he was also going to make me dinner for Mothers Day. When Ella awoke she gave me a darling cup, made at Pre-School and another gift which I will always remember. When asked what she wanted to get me for Mothers Day she thought long and hard. The Pepsi that she presented to me this morning was what she came up with, all on her own, she knows me too well.

As the kids, singing together in Sacrament meeting for the first time as they held hands, were standing in the front of the Congregation I suddenly heard a little voice.

"Hi Mommy!"

And a few seconds later, as the music was starting to be played,

"I love you Mommy!"

As the song went on I could see the frustration in Ella's eyes. And then I heard her whisper,

"I dont know this song!"

She was annoyed and upset. When she came back down she had tears in her eyes as she told me she didn't get to sing. I let her know that just seeing her up there smiling was about the best gift she could have given me. It was a close tie between that and the Pepsi.

And it was all summed up in a sweet bed time moment with Luke. I lay there with him, after his nightly story and prayer, and he held my face and told me to close his eyes. He then stated some lines from one of my all-time favorite stories.

"I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as Im living
My Mommy you'll be"

And then a sweet kiss finished off the moment like icing on cake.

I love being a Mother. It is the source of my greatest growth and happiness. I know I was foreordained before this life to come to earth and to participate in the rearing of Heavenly Father's children. It is a great honor and blessing.

Though there are days when I feel overwhelmed or wish my Children were a little older and independent, I know that I will look back on these days and miss them terribly. I treasure these sweet moments with these magnificent, elect spirits. And I think to myself how happy I am to be their Mommy.

Wonder

I wonder how my Mom told my Dad that she was pregnant with me.



I wonder how he felt and if there was a long, sweet kiss amidst smiles and jitters.

I wonder where she was the very first time she could feel my body moving inside of her's.

I wonder what my mom was feeling as she put a crib up for the 4th time, washed tiny baby clothes, prepared her 3 Children for the whirlwind that would be another baby in the house.

I wonder about the thoughts and feelings that were there in that car ride to the Hospital almost 30 years ago.

I wonder the look on her face and the way she felt as they exclaimed, 'It's a Girl!"

I wonder the first things that went through her mind as she cradled me for the first time.

Were there many calls made? Visitors come to celebrate?

I wonder what it was like in that room when my Siblings first met me. Did they rush the bed to see me? Were they anxious to hold me? Did my Parents look on with peaceful eyes at their newly formed Family that they created.

I wonder what sort of newborn baby I was. Did I sleep well? Eat well? Was I a Momma's girl? Or could I work my Daddy from the start?




I wonder what life was like for my Mom as she transitioned from a life of 5 to a home of 6.



Did the sounds of coo's and laughs melt my Mom the way Olivia's do me? Did she want to hold me often? Or was I anxious to be out of her arms exploring my new world.

What were her feelings as she watched me take my first steps? Did she call her Mom, excited to spread the big news? Was my Dad home from work or was it the exciting new trick she showed him upon him walking through the door that evening?

I wonder.

I wonder many things about the early years of my life. There have always been many I dont know. Things long forgotten by a busy Mother of 5 who hardly ever had a break.



I wonder how she dealt with all of our craziness. And there was always craziness.




But the best thing, the most important thing a child can ever know, was never left to my imaginations. Its something I have never and will never have to wonder. Its love. Knowing love and being loved and hearing loving things. I have a Mother who loves me. And she makes that love known, without a shadow of a doubt, every day.



There is no greater gift, nothing more that I could ever ask for from her. It is the reason why I lived the life I have lived. It is the reason why I married the Man that I married in the place that I did. And it is the reason why I can be, and strive to be, the kind of Mother I am. Love. In its truest most sincere form. It does so much more than anyone can really know.



So though I know my Mom wonders why she left so many memory books blank, I get it. I see why. Its because she was working and tending. Caring for and teaching. Reading to, laughing with, driving and picking up. She was hugging, kissing and singing. She was cooking for and cleaning up after, bathing and tucking in. She was busy cleaning wounds, doing laundry and mending torn pants. She was busy being the best Mom that she could possibly be to 5 little kids who probably never really appreciated it. Busy loving. And no child could ever ask for more than that.

Thank you Mom for never making me wonder about all of the things that matter most. I have always known. Always.



I love you.
Happy Mothers Day.
Jill

O' Mister Sun

Welcome Spring, though you felt much more like Summer around here as you hit 80 degree's. We have loved soaking you up while playing in our backyard pool. Cant wait to see more of you soon, though tomorrow will be back down to the 60's... another reason we love Colorado. It always keeps us on our toes.


she was pretty much this happy the entire 3 hours they were out there.

My baby loves the water

 

Ella wants a change

Ella wanted a little change of her own. Here is her new haircut, we love it.