Olivia

This is, technically, a terrible picture. Heavily side-lit, taken at a terrible time of day. But I still love it. I love the look on her face, it captures Olivia. Happy, sweet, her eyes sparkle and her smile is contagious.

We have been so blessed by this amazing little girl. She is a pure joy. She never cries(really, the Johnsons were here for a week and Jenny kept joking that she never heard her cry the entire time) She is the best sleeper I have ever heard of. She is silly, happy, compassionate and fun.

A few updates about our Liv.

She loves shoes. She wants to wear them all day long and gets upset if you try to take them off of her.

She wants to go as fast as she can. We joke that the only reason she walks is because she had to do it in order to run.

She loves her Siblings. She squeals with delight upon seeing them each morning. She loves to tackle, hug and kiss them. (She gets mad if they turn their faces during a kiss... it HAS to be a kiss on the lips.)

She loves mimicking. For example, in the bath she will grab the body wash, shake it onto the sponge, stand up and wash her whole body. Or she holds up the pretend camera to her eye and says, "cheese" (or something like cheese) She has always been such an intense observer and now we see why. This girl soaks in everything.

I love how easily she goes with the flow. I have never had a laid back baby before and, well, its something I could really get use to.

I am so grateful for our little Olivia. She lights up our life in every way. I know that, as crazy as it is to think about, she will be a fantastic big sister.

My Dream

Had a dream last night about the baby.

It was a girl. She was blonde. She had my curly hair. I remember thinking how cute she was. And I was so thrilled that she was mine.

Woke up this morning. Actually marked day #1 of baby excitement. Excitement people, its happening.

(For the record I am fairly certain that this baby, is in fact, a girl)

These made my day!!

I can not wait to put some of these together and put them up in my house. Everyone knows how much I love photography. I think it steamed from having no pictures of my own upbringing. In our albums I go from a newborn, to 6 months, to 2 years. It kills me that there is not more documented by way of photographs of me and my Family. I am sentimental. I adore my Family. I hold tight to any and all memories that I have of growing up with the coolest Brothers and Sisters around.

So when I saw these pictures that my Uncle used in a Christmas Gift, I begged my Mom to send them over immediately. They make me so, so happy. So here are a few of my favorites! I love them so much, they are priceless!!!


I adore this picture. Growing up my Parents were never big on public affection, even just around the house. I think it has rubbed off on me as well. Its just not my thing, in the slightest. So I love seeing this cute picture of them.


I love this so much because it just captures my family. Silly, goofy, fun. Im sure there were more pictures like this than in any other poses. Plus it just makes me think, "Man, my Parents really did make such cute kids"


This is one of my first memories. Little Megan, in Utah, with the chicken pox. I remember looking at her and feeling sad because she had them so, so badly. I also like this because she reminds me of my Olivia in this picture. Megan was just the cutest little peanut. It makes me so happy to have a little girl who reminds me so much of her.


This was very typical. In almost every picture for years was me practically hanging on to my big sister. Charity was always so attentive and so nurturing. I was and am lucky to have her as my Big Sister. This picture gets me excited about having girls, sisters. Because having my own has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. (mostly, usually :)


This was one of my favorites. How I adored my Grandpa Boggs, and how he adored his Grandchildren. He had the softest blue eyes and the sweetest voice, always singing. I also love that this Moses basket is in this shot. I loved it. I remember using it for many a doll bed and Christmas Eve manger. And look at those curls... where are my girls'?


I have never seen a picture of me at this age before. I love it! It reminds me a little bit of Olivia. I also love how my Dad, I assume its my Dad, is carrying me. Just slinging me around, just like I do with my kids. O' how I wish I knew what their life was like with 5 little ones. I wish I could just sit back and watch their day.

I really did have the best Family. I am so grateful and so blessed. So much of who I am and what I want are based around little moments in my past, long ago.

All I want...

To do this all day...



To drink a Caribbean Blend every day from here.... maybe 2 or 3 of 'em



and to wear these all day long without judgment(from myself mostly)



Is that too much to ask?

Dear baby...

How is it possible that I am here again. Writing a letter to the tiny, developing body that sits inside my own?

Yes, you were a surprise. A surprise that took me weeks to come to terms with. It was never the thought of another sweet spirit coming to our Family that kept me awake all night long in those first days. It was my own selfish feelings. I thought about how I wasn't ready to do this again, how my plan was to wait. I knew that we would have another baby, I could feel it deep inside, but in my head I played it out perfectly. 3 year age gap, no new baby in this house, we'd be out of School and into a home of our own. You would have your own room which I would be able to paint perfectly, the Nursery that I'd always wanted. So you see, I had plans. Lots of future plans. I never dreamt that the future would so soon become the present.

I have already learned so much from you. First off, one really can become pregnant while on the pill ( I never believed half the people who said it happened to them, I now apologize for my doubts).

Second, you were meant to come to this Family at this time in this way. I know those reasons will become more and more clear to me as time goes on but I can not deny that Heavenly Father sent you here in His wisdom. Not only was I on birth control but the timing of when this all had to have happened couldn't have made it harder to get pregnant, even if I were not on the pill. Even the Doctor herself couldn't believe it.

And last, but not least, I know that there is someone much bigger in charge of our lives. That we may have plans for our life but that our Father in Heaven knows all and that He has bigger plans for us than we could ever know. And that if we humble ourselves and have Faith in him that He will make more of our lives than we could ever dream. I am so grateful for my knowledge that I have a loving Father who knows exactly what I need in my life. I know he loves me, that he knows me better than anyone and that He knows where this path will lead me. He can see 5, 10, even 50 years down the road. That knowledge gives me complete faith in Him and allows me to easily put my life in His hands to lead me and my Family through this journey on Earth.

So baby, amidst all of the initial scares and through all the many blood tests and nervous waiting, I always knew that you would be okay. I knew that this pregnancy would continue because I know that it is no accident that you are on your way to this crazy Family of ours. I know this is what was always meant to happen.

Goodbye 2009, here we come 2010. Ready or not.

I will make this short and sweet. There is much to tell, which will be done another day. But, we can just say that 2010 is going to be a lot busier than we ever planned or expected. Here's why....



Yes, I am almost 10 weeks pregnant!!! If you are shocked reading this you have no idea how crazy it is to say. We never imagined that this was going to happen so soon but, thanks to Yaz (evidently the worst pill to ever be invented) here we are.

We have finally started to come to terms with it all, after weeks of total shock and disbelief.


The fact that this is my 5th pregnancy (I have miscarried once) in 5 1/2 years has lead to my bulging tummy a bit sooner than expected. Another reason why the word's coming out... because Im sure people are wondering why Im getting so fat!!

We have had several scares which have resulted in a few ultrasounds already. Everything looks great. Baby #4 has a very strong heartbeat and is growing perfectly!

Olivia and this baby (I think its a girl, Dave thinks its a Boy) will be almost 2 years apart, further than Luke and Ella. But for some reason this time around freaks me out waaaay more than before. Probably because I know what we're in for. The good news is that Luke will be in 1st grade a week later and Ella in preschool 4 days a week (half day) So I will experience a bit of sanity having only 2 home for a few hours a day.

An old post about my best Son

*** This blog was originally written in another blog, I no longer use that blog. I wanted to keep it for my own records/journal. I wrote this 10 months ago***

There are so many things that I could write about. So many things that I am grateful for. But today, in my silent house, all I can seem to think about is my Son. Lukie. Lukapotamus. L. Luke-a. Bud. Sometimes Prince Charming.

I was looking through my side table drawer last night and I came across a journal I use to keep. Much like this blog it is something once frequently visited. Life got busy, other things became the priority until, eventually the journal had been closed for good.. It just so happened that these pages were filled at a time of great struggles for me. It started about the time that Luke was diagnosed with AS, a very emotional one for our Family. Not because of the official pages hand-written by a Pediatric Neurologist stating the words. And not because those words have changed our lives. The reason that was such a trying time for me was because I was feeling as though I was a failure. I could not get through to my Son. He was often angry and upset. There were days that I would pray he would sleep a little longer, only because I did not know what to do with him many of his waking hours. Not proud thoughts for a Mother.

I was going through entry after entry. Remembering my struggles with this boy. Recalling all of the times I would just have to put him in his room to scream because there was nothing else to be done. I avoided going out in public with him. I had constant red scabs from angry encounters with his fingernails. He would pull my hair sometimes in fits of rage. Yes, it was a very trying time. I wondered what Heavenly Father was thinking sending me this boy. I could clearly do nothing right. I was obviously loosing. Failing and feeling pretty low. Embarrassingly, my greatest desire back thenwas for him to be "normal".. whatever that was. I constantly compared him to other boys his age and couldn't help but to feel sorrow. I envied the ease I saw in their days. And wondered what life would be like if Luke could understand the way I saw his friends grasping.

At that time most people never knew how bad things would get. How dark many of my days were. Nobody wants people to know that they have a child who is out of control. No one wants others to pity them because of their Son's short-comings.. I only wanted people to see the best parts of Luke. To know of his love, his honesty and sensitivity. How incredibly smart he was and how infectious his laugh was. There were good days. Back then they much less frequently but, when they came, they were magical. On those days I would lay in my bed at night wondering what I did differently. What I did that was right that day. What food's did he eat? I spent so much time waiting for things to turn or planning my day to avoid potential hazards that I could almost never fully enjoy them though. It was a wonder to me that, for many, those were constant, normal days. I couldn't imagine.

Our days were spent preparing ourselves for the next melt-down. I would avoid certain isles in the Grocery Store. I would be home at certain times, with no variables, for naps and bed times. My life was spent looking around the next corner. And it was physically and emotionally exhausting!!!

The reason why I bring these things out is not to feel sorry for myself. Or for Luke. Its to rejoice. The path that we took was one of hard work, consistencies and hope. I knew that I would do anything for Luke that I could do in order to help him come out. The real him. Behind those often glazed over eyes was my boy. The one who I have the privilege of being with everyday. He is an absolute joy. Watching him work so hard over the last couple of years has been so humbling. He amazes everyone with whom he's ever worked with.

In his last IEP, as he now no longer even qualifies for services, the head of the department spoke of Luke. She said that in her 20 years of working with children of various levels in the Special Education Department she had never seen anything like it. She stated that she had never witnessed so much change in one person before. That most people would probably never believe that his first IEP was even the same boy. I cried.

So now as I type this I cry again. I am so proud of this special little boy of ours. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father chose me to be his Mother. I cry because I get to see this tremendous spirit of his battle out the ghosts in his head, and to defeat them. He is strong, he is valiant. He is a fighter and he is wise. I can not tell you how much Luke has changed me. I value and embrace every good day, every smile and conversation. He has gone from being one of my greatest trials to my greatest joys. I have loved serving him and helping him through this part of his journey. He is a miracle that I have been blessed to watch unfold. I see now how lucky I really am. And I wouldn't change the past for anything. It has gotten us to where and who we are today.