So... here it is

I had no initial intention of posting about what's been going on but just now decided I'd like to. If not just to document my own feelings as this is really more for myself and my Family than anyone else. I am not looking for sympathy and I know many of you have been through the same thing. I just needed to write tonight.
2 weeks ago I found out that we were going to be expecting another addition to our Family. We were really excited mixed with a little bit of fear and a tinge of plain, "are we capable of doing this?" All in all I was elated and each time I looked at my 2 kids faces couldn't help but imagine what the future dynamic of 3 would be. What this little stranger was going to bring.
The first week went by as usual. I was extremely hungry and was actually out-eating Dave... this never happens. I was really tired and the thought of drifting off in to dreamland crossed my mind about 50 times a day. And I would even feel a little nauseous; which ,unfortunately, is something I know far too well when I am pregnant. My Doctor had me get some blood drawn and called to tell me that everything looked great, just where it should be.
The second week was a bit different. Still sleepy but just not quite the same as when I was expecting my other 2. I had yet to be really sick and was maybe even feeling better than I had the previous week. I had another appointment to get my blood drawn to be sure all my levels were in fact going up. I love my Doctor. She is so good and takes such time and care with everything she does. Her being so pro-active has made this all so much easier to take.
I called the office early Monday morning to check how the results look. My message went something like this. "Just wanted to see how things were looking. To be honest I'm a little worried due to the fact that in the past at 6 weeks pregnant I was feeling pretty terrible and I am feeling really great."
The Dr. called me back and informed me that in fact my levels had drastically gone down. They took some more blood immediately and found they had gone down even more over the weekend. We did an ultrasound to rule out an eptopic pregnancy, which it did. So they told me what to expect to happen in ways of a miscarriage, gave their condolences and we were out the door.
2 days later, today, my body started the miscarriage process. I thought I would be a lot more effected and emotional about the whole thing but I am doing quite well. Disappointed? Yes.Sad? Yes
I know that there was a reason for this all to happen and that this pregnancy was just not going to be. I find peace and comfort in the fact that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my Heavenly Father is with me and watching over me. I know that He has a plan for me and I can always feel that direction and love in my life. I have been given so many blessings and am so grateful for them in my life.
I have a wonderful Husband who has been by my side non-stop since Monday. Who has taken care of the kids, cleaned the house, bought dinner... hey you can't do it all. He has not once complained and I know he is not only dealing with this as well but is just plain tired. I have had such great support from friends and family who love us. I have felt the power from their prayers. Simply put, I am grateful. And I have surly felt the hand of God in my life these past 2 long days.