Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009, here we come 2010. Ready or not.

I will make this short and sweet. There is much to tell, which will be done another day. But, we can just say that 2010 is going to be a lot busier than we ever planned or expected. Here's why....

Yes, I am almost 10 weeks pregnant!!! If you are shocked reading this you have no idea how crazy it is to say. We never imagined that this was going to happen so soon but, thanks to Yaz (evidently the worst pill to ever be invented) here we are.

We have finally started to come to terms with it all, after weeks of total shock and disbelief.

The fact that this is my 5th pregnancy (I have miscarried once) in 5 1/2 years has lead to my bulging tummy a bit sooner than expected. Another reason why the word's coming out... because Im sure people are wondering why Im getting so fat!!

We have had several scares which have resulted in a few ultrasounds already. Everything looks great. Baby #4 has a very strong heartbeat and is growing perfectly!

Olivia and this baby (I think its a girl, Dave thinks its a Boy) will be almost 2 years apart, further than Luke and Ella. But for some reason this time around freaks me out waaaay more than before. Probably because I know what we're in for. The good news is that Luke will be in 1st grade a week later and Ella in preschool 4 days a week (half day) So I will experience a bit of sanity having only 2 home for a few hours a day.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

An old post about my best Son

*** This blog was originally written in another blog, I no longer use that blog. I wanted to keep it for my own records/journal. I wrote this 10 months ago***

There are so many things that I could write about. So many things that I am grateful for. But today, in my silent house, all I can seem to think about is my Son. Lukie. Lukapotamus. L. Luke-a. Bud. Sometimes Prince Charming.

I was looking through my side table drawer last night and I came across a journal I use to keep. Much like this blog it is something once frequently visited. Life got busy, other things became the priority until, eventually the journal had been closed for good.. It just so happened that these pages were filled at a time of great struggles for me. It started about the time that Luke was diagnosed with AS, a very emotional one for our Family. Not because of the official pages hand-written by a Pediatric Neurologist stating the words. And not because those words have changed our lives. The reason that was such a trying time for me was because I was feeling as though I was a failure. I could not get through to my Son. He was often angry and upset. There were days that I would pray he would sleep a little longer, only because I did not know what to do with him many of his waking hours. Not proud thoughts for a Mother.

I was going through entry after entry. Remembering my struggles with this boy. Recalling all of the times I would just have to put him in his room to scream because there was nothing else to be done. I avoided going out in public with him. I had constant red scabs from angry encounters with his fingernails. He would pull my hair sometimes in fits of rage. Yes, it was a very trying time. I wondered what Heavenly Father was thinking sending me this boy. I could clearly do nothing right. I was obviously loosing. Failing and feeling pretty low. Embarrassingly, my greatest desire back thenwas for him to be "normal".. whatever that was. I constantly compared him to other boys his age and couldn't help but to feel sorrow. I envied the ease I saw in their days. And wondered what life would be like if Luke could understand the way I saw his friends grasping.

At that time most people never knew how bad things would get. How dark many of my days were. Nobody wants people to know that they have a child who is out of control. No one wants others to pity them because of their Son's short-comings.. I only wanted people to see the best parts of Luke. To know of his love, his honesty and sensitivity. How incredibly smart he was and how infectious his laugh was. There were good days. Back then they much less frequently but, when they came, they were magical. On those days I would lay in my bed at night wondering what I did differently. What I did that was right that day. What food's did he eat? I spent so much time waiting for things to turn or planning my day to avoid potential hazards that I could almost never fully enjoy them though. It was a wonder to me that, for many, those were constant, normal days. I couldn't imagine.

Our days were spent preparing ourselves for the next melt-down. I would avoid certain isles in the Grocery Store. I would be home at certain times, with no variables, for naps and bed times. My life was spent looking around the next corner. And it was physically and emotionally exhausting!!!

The reason why I bring these things out is not to feel sorry for myself. Or for Luke. Its to rejoice. The path that we took was one of hard work, consistencies and hope. I knew that I would do anything for Luke that I could do in order to help him come out. The real him. Behind those often glazed over eyes was my boy. The one who I have the privilege of being with everyday. He is an absolute joy. Watching him work so hard over the last couple of years has been so humbling. He amazes everyone with whom he's ever worked with.

In his last IEP, as he now no longer even qualifies for services, the head of the department spoke of Luke. She said that in her 20 years of working with children of various levels in the Special Education Department she had never seen anything like it. She stated that she had never witnessed so much change in one person before. That most people would probably never believe that his first IEP was even the same boy. I cried.

So now as I type this I cry again. I am so proud of this special little boy of ours. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father chose me to be his Mother. I cry because I get to see this tremendous spirit of his battle out the ghosts in his head, and to defeat them. He is strong, he is valiant. He is a fighter and he is wise. I can not tell you how much Luke has changed me. I value and embrace every good day, every smile and conversation. He has gone from being one of my greatest trials to my greatest joys. I have loved serving him and helping him through this part of his journey. He is a miracle that I have been blessed to watch unfold. I see now how lucky I really am. And I wouldn't change the past for anything. It has gotten us to where and who we are today.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The day after....

Twas' the day after Christmas, when all through the house
The dishwasher was running, barely avoiding a mouse
The stockings were strewn bout the family room floor
When it came to the candy, Ella couldn't have eaten more
The Children were fighting over who played with what
While visions of cleaning had made me a nut
There was wrapping and ribbons and boxes galore
There were blankets and toys strewn all over each floor
We had 5 DVD's that the kids wanted to watch
And a new wooden kitchen and air hockey table, top notch!
There were board games in plastic each kid wanted to play
But with reading all those directions, I hid them away
The sugar rush was still going, it was in full effect
Where have my real kids gone, the ones usually elect?
"Now Ella, Now Luke", I yell down the stairs
Calm down! Stop your fighting! Or Im taking your wears
There will be no more Star Wars, there will be no more dolls
I will take them right back to those horrible malls
You will have no more sugar, of this I am sure
It's going in the trash, I hope this is the cure
Of your insane behavior, you are driving me crazy
I dont have the energy, Im tired, Im lazy
So please stop your whining, your tears and your mood
After such a nice Christmas it's, simply put, rude
I sure hate you mess, and you sugar and noise
why do you insist on coming with these new toys?
Next year we'll skip candy, yes every last bit
It will be worth the initial Christmas Day fit
goodbye to you sugar, and chocolate cookies too
because all you are doing is making me blue
We had a great Christmas, of this there's not doubt
But moodiness and arguing's not what this Family's about
I cant wait for a clean house and happy, sweet kids
if these demands aren't met soon,well, I'll consider all bids.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

I love this short video. I love the way it fills me with peace, gratitude and joy in the birth of our Savior. I am so grateful for Him and for His birth. I am grateful for the perfect example He is and for the things that He taught as he both lived on this Earth and after her was resurrected. I am grateful for the things that He continues to teach me every day. I know He is my Elder Brother, I know He lives and that He loves us. So much so that He suffered and died for us so that we may live Eternally with Him and our Father one day. This really is the greatest gift we could ever receive.

May you all have a wonderful Christmas. And may we all remember to keep Christ in our lives every day, not just during this Holiday Season.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Birthday Ella Jane!


You are 4 years old now. In some ways I can not believe how quickly those 4 years went and in some ways I feel like you've been 3 forever.

As Daddy and I wrapped your Birthday presents we watched some old videos of you. All I could do was smile the entire time. I marveled at how small you were, how little hair you had and at how your eyes seemed to shine in every shot. It brought me back to the early days with you. Bringing you into our bed in the mornings and snuggling with you, kissing your fair skin and tickling you until you laughed so hard that you got the hiccups. I remember how sweet you were, how fun you were and how very smart you were.

And now here we are, so many years later and yet you are still that little baby in so many ways. Quick to steal the spotlight with your shining personality. Social and smart. Beautiful. There are also so many new things that we get to discover about you as time goes on. Here are a few things about you at age 4.

1. You are fiercely loyal. You stick up for your friends no matter what the situation. A boy from Church(about 8) was pointing out an arrangements of magnets on a chair that he thought was funny. You immediately assumed he was making fun of them and said, "that's not funny. My friend Maddie put those up, dont make fun of her." Now this boy was certainly not trying to tease anyone but you felt the need to stick up for your friend. No matter who this boy was or how old. There are so many situations like this one. You are the first to stand up for someone you love when you feel that there are feelings being hurt. And you don't let anyone intimidate you.

2. You are incredibly thoughtful. You are the first to want to do something for someone when you think they are in need. Sometimes its an extra hug. Sometimes a treat from the store. You have empathy way beyond your 4 years and I know it will be a blessing to others throughout your entire life. I came in to kiss you last night before I went to bed(something we do every single night) and as you stirred you hugged me tight and said, "Mommy, I want to buy you a purple dress so that maybe you can feel better." (I had been a little sick that day)

3. You are turning into such a great helper. You really enjoy helping out around the house, which has been really great for me,

4. You love to play pretend. You are very thorough in your conversations as you play, so much that I am often responding to you only to hear you say that it was your dolls talking to eachother. I have even been known to go to the basement to break up a fight to find that the fighting was just between 2 My Little Ponies. Yes, you are sometimes too realistic.

5. You love to snack. You could do so all day long. I am always finding you in the pantry with some pretzels or Cheez-its.

6. You love sweets and candy more than any little girl I have ever known. Maybe even more than I did!

7. You love clothes, particularly dresses. You change your clothes upwards of 4 times a day. It makes me crazy. When I dont see or hear you for a few minutes the first thing I usually yell is "Ella, you'd better not be changing!"

8. You are all girl. You love dolls, princesses, glitter, lace, ruffles, pink, shoes and your sparkly lip gloss. But you can also play in the dirt, take on a clone trooper or kick a ball with the best of them. I think its the perfect mix. One that may get the boys attention a little more than I'd like one day.

9. You love your Mommy. Even though I tell you to go back to sit with your class in Primary each Sunday, I love when you come sit on my lap and give me a hug and kiss. Sometimes you do this several times throughout Sharing Time.

10. You make life more exciting. You light up a room where ever you go. Our lives are all a little brighter with you in it.

We are so grateful for what you have brought to our lives, Ella. We love you so much.

Happy Birthday!!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Zoo Lights

One of my favorite parts about Grammy and Grandpa's visit was going to the Denver Zoo lights. It was so much fun. We got all bundled up and had a great night walking around the Zoo, admiring all of its impressive lights. They did such a great job! It seems like each year there are more and more beautiful lights surrounding the entire Zoo.

The kids were great, I got some warm hot coco, we got good news about Grammy's cancer, it was a warm evening... it was perfect!!! We love creating memories with people whom we love so much.


Monday, December 14, 2009

Its about time

As Dave put on Olivia's Christmas dress he told her that in order to wear it on Sunday she needed to start walking. You see, this dress was not cheap. I had to have it. I did NOT want her ruining it by crawling all over the floor in its rich, blue tulle. But she has just not wanted to walk. I kept threatening that if she was not walking in time then it would go back to Janie and Jack.

Sure enough, as soon as we started taking pictures of her standing in it, something she has done for months giving us false hopes, she walked over to me. I was about 7 feet away and she just went for it. It was so exciting. Proof that she has been capable for some time, just wanting to wait for the perfect moment.

See, I told you she was a good, obedient girl!


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Biggest, bestest news

Got a call early last week from this hottie with a body... (the one in the pink, not the hottie in the red)

She had some news. It still makes me want to jump out of my skin when I say it....


Doesn't that just feel good to read? It feels great to type!!!! And I get to have her and her crew here for a week on the 28th for our Annual New Year's Bash!!! Literally, we all just bash eachother the entire time. That's how you know its love.

Baby Olivia

Baby Olivia
bright eyes

My funny Ella

My funny Ella

My handsome Luke

My handsome Luke