September 24th is here again...

which means that my baby is 1 year old.

As I went to bed last night I couldn't help but think of that night a year ago. How excited I was and how very little sleep I got. The next morning was a whirlwind. Checking into the Hospital at 5 in the morning, 2 hours earlier than we needed to thanks to someone's mis-information. The butterfly's in my stomach as they started hooking me up on all sorts of machines and IV's. I knew that this would be a day that I would remember for as long as I lived. The day our family welcomed 1 more spirit from heaven. The day Olivia would change our lives.

Things started out slowly and I was discouraged. "Here comes another 17 hour labor (Ella) I thought" But in a whirlwind you came into this world,catching us all off guard. I went from a 5 to holding your sweet little body in my arms with in 11 minutes. I remember the panic I felt as I tried with all my might to keep you from coming so fast, as the Doctor was running down the hall. We became famous in that Hospital on that day (even if it was just for that day), the baby who was 10 seconds from being delivered by our young Nurse.

You were a beautiful baby and,I loved how much you looked like your handsome brother. You hardly cried for hours. Even when having your first bath there were no tears, just big wide eyes looking straight at Daddy.

Your scares started at an early age. At about 5 hours old you stopped breathing, the first time. While your birthday twin, Tyler, was holding you Charity commented on how red you were looking. She took you from him and started bringing you to me. I will never forget her face as she stood at the foot of my bed and yelled, "she's red. She's really red." and after a pause, "she's not breathing!!!!" She rushed you to me and all I remember was your tiny face, now a light blue, eyes wide and panicked. All I wanted to do was to make everything better for you but all I could think to do was turn you downward as I hit your back over and over again. Within seconds Tyler had run out into the hall yelling for help, and then back into the room with a determined nurse by his side. She grabbed you from me and got to work right away, sucking what seemed like gallons of thick goo from your mouth and nose. You started to cry and I felt like I too could finally breath. They watched you overnight, after pumping your tiny stomach, and determined that it all came from being born so quickly, not enough contractions to squeeze all the "stuff" out before you entered the world. Ahhhh, so thats why you never cried, you really couldn't.

There was so much that happened in the following weeks and months. More health scares, hospital stays and surgery. It was a hard yet calm time. I know the Lord was helping us through it because, amidst all the chaos, I frequently felt peace.

There is a different bond that must come with so many scares and so much worry. Watching your baby sleep for hours, making sure she is still breathing, pulling the car over several times on a trip to be sure that she's just asleep and not quiet for other reasons.

I remember once, at about 3 or 4 months old, going into your room to wake you from a morning nap. It was time to take the kids to School which meant your sleep was going to need to come to an abrupt end. You have always been our lightest sleeper. The quiet creek from the door usually awakened you. I was surprised that this time was not like the others in that way. I made my way to the crib and looked at you. I remember staring at you, marveling at how much love there was in my heart for you. I gently stroked your head and whispered, "Olivia. time to wake up." nothing, not even the tiniest movement. I remember being over come with fear. I shook you harder this time and will never forget how heavy your little body felt as I pushed it back and forth. There was still no movement and I will never forget the thought I had, "So this is what its like to come into your child's room and find them dead." I picked you up and yelled, to which you popped open your huge, blue eyes and gazed sleepily at me with a questionable look. I remember holding you. Shaking and crying. I shook the entire way to Luke's School and back. I have never been so afraid in my life. And I hope to never have those fleeting thoughts again. I never talk about that day, I dont even know if I ever told Dave about it.

So, yes, we have had a special bond. I assume that comes with things that we went through together. Long nights rocking in a hospital glider. Singing numberless songs to you as you lay, all hooked up, in a metal crib. The feelings that overcame me the first time you smiled, hours and hours after your major surgery.

You are a special girl Olivia. I love you more than I can even describe. It flows out of me daily and I cant help but know that you are going to do great things in the life. I am so proud of you and so grateful for you.

Happy Birthday my little Liv.

yummy cake, you went totally crazy on the frosting!

In your "1" shirt. Video and better pictures to come....

Stats

Weight 16 lbs. 11 oz. (not on the charts anymore )
Length: 28 inches (25%)