29!?

Thats right. As of 7:11 this morning MST I am 29 years old. I have one more year to be reckless and wild so that I can blame it on being in my 20's. Though at that point I'll be married to a PhD. student in his second year and have 3 children. Though isn't that a little bit reckless and certainly wild?...... in its own ways?

Berry Patch Farm

We had a great day at the Berry Patch Farms. I was so sad to notice that our camera battery was dead, these iphone shots captured the jist..... though it kills me.

We went with The Wilkins clan and some of Charity's friends, the shot of everyone wont upload. I have never been the biggest strawberry fan but let me tell you, these were like nothing we'd ever had. They were as fresh as they get and nice and warm from the afternoon sun. The kids loved running up and down the rows eating berries with their cousins, going on tractor rides and petting the pet pig. 

Thanks to Char for such a great afternoon.

FYI  I have 6 weeks left as of tomorrow..... hooray! My Dr. is inducing me at 7:30am on the 24th so that my Parents can be here to help with the kids. Its especially great because thats my Nephew, Tyler's, birthday and Dave's Grandma's 92nd birthday. She has had her fingers crossed this entire pregnancy for Olivia to come a week early... on her birthday. Its very special and we're thrilled.

my yummy loot

we ate about as many as we actually got in our containers. I still have a tummy ache.

Dave became a little obsessed with all of the picking and eating.

Ella's favorite thing ever is berries..... clearly she was in heaven.

me and the kids before the hunt

Pure Love

I just got an email from my Dad that I wanted to share. It was tender to me for obvious reasons but also something that had great depth and spirit to it. I thought it would be appropriate to share, this being the Sabbath and all. Plus I wanted to have it on our blog for Ella to read one day.

Stake Conference was about to begin.  The chapel and overflow area was quiet and only a few late-comers were moving to their seats.  Suddenly my 2-year-old granddaughter broke away from her mother (one of the late ones) and ran down the isle to me with outstretched arm yelling, “Papa, papa!”  She almost knocked me off my seat as she jumped in my lap.  Several hundred people heard it.  The closest ones could also see as Ella pressed her head into my shoulder and hugged me for more than a minute.  My face turned red alright, but not from embarrassment.  She had me by the neck and she is strong.  I looked around and thought, “Eat your hearts out, brothers and sisters.  This is as good as it gets.”

My wife and I put Ella and her mother on a plane a few months later.  They were moving to another state where my son-in-law would be working on his PhD for the next three years.  I thought my heart would break.  I knew my relationship with Ella would never be the same again.  She would still love her “papa” but not so rambunctiously.  She would learn to hold back and be more “proper.”   By the time she was in Mutual, I might be lucky to get a handshake with eye contact… probably not even that if any of her friends were looking.

The rules for “being cool” in front of your friends were suspended at the Huntington Beach North Stake Youth Conference on August 2nd when 129 teenagers hosted a carnival for the Utah Down Syndrome Foundation (UDSF) at Bryant Elementary School in Salt Lake City.  The 14 to 18 year-old young men and women buddied-up to make a new friend whose unrestricted love, like that of a two-year-old, would change their lives forever.  These new friends ranged from babies to a few over 21.  None of these special children would ever outgrow their special gift of sharing with uninhibited enthusiasm the pure love of Christ.  

It went on about the youth's experiences with this great foundation but its lengthy and I thought I'd end it here.

I love my Dad's insight and wisdom and am grateful that he is just that, my Dad. 

The perfect ending to a better day

Yesterday was a really hard day for Luke. Most days have been really hard on him since this move. I think its a mix of everything. He's now gone weeks without therapy or Pre-School, which is hard enough on him. Coupled with these huge life changes and surrounded by a world of differences (Luke does not do different very well) its clear why life has been rough.

Yesterday was particularly rough. I found myself asking all sorts of questions. "Who is this boy?" "What am I doing wrong?" "What were good days like before?" "How did I end up with such a hard child?"and my lowest of the day, "What are we thinking having a 3rd when I cant even handle my first?" Pretty pathetic, right? It was a hard day on both of us I guess. After carrying my 39 lb.  four year old out of the Grocery Store kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs while everyone stared as though they'd never seen such an out of control kid, I lost it. Maybe it was the end of a very frustrating day. Maybe it was the scratching I got as I was forcing him into his seat. Or the fact that the melt-down continued for almost a hour. But by the time I got home I lost it. I couldn't even look at Luke, let alone talk to him. I simply ignored him and hid myself outside on the porch, crying and feeling sorry for myself for a good 30 minutes. 

This was not a proud moment as a Parent and I am ashamed to say it. But thats the reality. I pulled out and away from my 4 year old, its all I could do.

By the time I got inside Luke was asleep. I panicked. Did he fall asleep thinking that he was a bad boy. That his Mommy, who should be by his side all the time, didn't want to tuck him in, was angry with him. I rushed right upstairs to see if I could redeem myself. Maybe he was still awake. I was suddenly dying inside. So ashamed and so embarrassed.

I opened his door and sure enough he was out. Luke's a light sleeper so I thought for sure I could wake him. I laid next to his sweet face and my tears hit his face as I kissed it. I whispered   "I love you Buddy. You're such a good boy." He didn't budge. And it killed me. I wrapped my arm around his little chest and then brushed his face. Nothing. He was asleep and I had lost my chance. As he laid there peacefully, soundly, I felt a huge rush come over me. This boy was not only my boy but Heavenly Fathers boy as well. He was sent to me to care for because He felt that I could do the best job. And all of the wonderful traits and talents of this grown spirit in this little body hit me as well. How could I feel sorry for myself when I have him? The good days couple with the bad. Luke is mine. And I am lucky. I fell asleep as I was cradling him, his pillow wet from my tears that freely fell. Not because I was sad, or didn't know what to do with him. But because I loved him so much and all I wanted was for him to know it.

Today was a perfect day. Luke was happy, generous, fun and patient. It made yesterday feel like it was years ago. 

And tonight was sweet. Plain sweet. We got him his own "Book of Mormon" and we read it tonight for a bedtime story. Maybe I could get a few verses in before he lost interest. I started. Got to verse 5. stopped. He wanted more. I read a few more verses. He begged me to continue. After the first chapter he pleaded with me to read a second. How could we resist? Dave took over and read the entire second chapter. Word for word, a few summaries. He ate it up. He was sad when the book was laid to rest on his dresser, though we made promises to continue tomorrow. And once again it hit me. This boy is indeed special. And I have the blessing to be his Mother. I get to see this incredible spirit unfold before my eyes. I am so grateful, so thankful.

Finally!

After 2 years at the In-Law's house, waiting for 3 months to hear back from 4 Schools PhD. program's, being 1 of 4 accepted into Dave's first-choice University, applying for new Insurance, finding a new OBGYN in my last trimester, filling out 17 pages about Luke for his new programs, changing over 8 bills, finding a new house, ordering new checks, buying a second car, collecting boxes and bubble wrap, packing 46 boxes of varying sizes, loading a 23 foot moving truck, driving 15 hours, $250 in gas, 6 hours of deep cleaning our old home, saying to many good-bye's to count, tying up loose-ends, missing a 6am flight, making it on stand-by for a 2 1/2 hour flight, meeting 8 others in our driveway to unload a MovEx truck, unloading boxes non-stop, setting up furniture, 2 incidents involving blood and tools,  2 Target runs. and a grocery store run that cost more than I can stand to type......

          WE MADE IT TO COLORADO!!!!!

and we're loving life.

more details and pictures to follow. 

Too far away

836 miles. That's how far away I am right now from my little boy (and my big one too) 

This is killing me. I thought it was bad enough already until I just got the phone call. I can't quite tell you all that was said by my little 4 year old. He was sobbing too uncontrollably to totally make out the words. Here is a sampling of what I did hear.

"Mommy. Will you come to Colorado on the airplane tomorrow? Please Mommy. I just want you. I miss you. I don't want Daddy to snuggle me, I want you to do it. Please Mommy. I love you. I want you. Come to Colorado."

Luke is a major Daddy's boy. 100%. Has been his entire life and is to this day. It is a very rare treat that he wants me when he is hurt or sad. I never get to do bedtime's with Luke. That special time has been reserved for Daddy for many years now. I don't really even bother asking him anymore if I can do it. The answer is always the same, with no apology.

"No. I want Daddy to do it." 

So you can imagine how this phone call broke my heart into about a million pieces. I actually debated paying the extra money (that we don't have) and trying to fly out tomorrow rather than Tuesday.

After about 4 or 5 minutes of the hardest phone call I've yet to get from my Child I had an idea. 

"Lukie. Can Mommy read you a book?"

Silence for a moment. Maybe I was going to change things around.

"Ummmm.... Daddy already did it."

"Well.... Mommy has a book right here. I can read it to you over the telephone. It would be like I were right next to you, would you like that?"

Luke stopped all crying and I started out.... " Baby Bear, Baby Bear, What do you See?"

It was magic. I finished the last page, told him I loved him and that I would talk to him tomorrow. He perked up, said "thank you, Mama" and, in an almost cheery voice, "Goodnight."

836 miles away. Its just too far tonight. Tomorrow will be better. He'll be less stressed out, have less chaos in his day. And he will un-doubtably want his Daddy to do bedtime again. But I realized tonight, amidst his protests and constant desire for his Dad, he needs his Mom too. And I'm glad 'cuz I'll always need my Lukie.

More than words

I cant even tell you how much we'll all miss this amazing woman when we leave for Denver.