Wonder

I wonder how my Mom told my Dad that she was pregnant with me.



I wonder how he felt and if there was a long, sweet kiss amidst smiles and jitters.

I wonder where she was the very first time she could feel my body moving inside of her's.

I wonder what my mom was feeling as she put a crib up for the 4th time, washed tiny baby clothes, prepared her 3 Children for the whirlwind that would be another baby in the house.

I wonder about the thoughts and feelings that were there in that car ride to the Hospital almost 30 years ago.

I wonder the look on her face and the way she felt as they exclaimed, 'It's a Girl!"

I wonder the first things that went through her mind as she cradled me for the first time.

Were there many calls made? Visitors come to celebrate?

I wonder what it was like in that room when my Siblings first met me. Did they rush the bed to see me? Were they anxious to hold me? Did my Parents look on with peaceful eyes at their newly formed Family that they created.

I wonder what sort of newborn baby I was. Did I sleep well? Eat well? Was I a Momma's girl? Or could I work my Daddy from the start?




I wonder what life was like for my Mom as she transitioned from a life of 5 to a home of 6.



Did the sounds of coo's and laughs melt my Mom the way Olivia's do me? Did she want to hold me often? Or was I anxious to be out of her arms exploring my new world.

What were her feelings as she watched me take my first steps? Did she call her Mom, excited to spread the big news? Was my Dad home from work or was it the exciting new trick she showed him upon him walking through the door that evening?

I wonder.

I wonder many things about the early years of my life. There have always been many I dont know. Things long forgotten by a busy Mother of 5 who hardly ever had a break.



I wonder how she dealt with all of our craziness. And there was always craziness.




But the best thing, the most important thing a child can ever know, was never left to my imaginations. Its something I have never and will never have to wonder. Its love. Knowing love and being loved and hearing loving things. I have a Mother who loves me. And she makes that love known, without a shadow of a doubt, every day.



There is no greater gift, nothing more that I could ever ask for from her. It is the reason why I lived the life I have lived. It is the reason why I married the Man that I married in the place that I did. And it is the reason why I can be, and strive to be, the kind of Mother I am. Love. In its truest most sincere form. It does so much more than anyone can really know.



So though I know my Mom wonders why she left so many memory books blank, I get it. I see why. Its because she was working and tending. Caring for and teaching. Reading to, laughing with, driving and picking up. She was hugging, kissing and singing. She was cooking for and cleaning up after, bathing and tucking in. She was busy cleaning wounds, doing laundry and mending torn pants. She was busy being the best Mom that she could possibly be to 5 little kids who probably never really appreciated it. Busy loving. And no child could ever ask for more than that.

Thank you Mom for never making me wonder about all of the things that matter most. I have always known. Always.



I love you.
Happy Mothers Day.
Jill