looking ahead

When I first brought Ella home from the Hospital on that cold Christmas Eve I felt confident. I was happy. I was blessed with a boy and a baby girl, she was perfect. I envisioned all of the things that most do when they think about girls. Pink, box pleats, dresses, bows, a shopping companion. Yes, it was going to be great. Having this little girl was all I ever dreamt about.

What I didnt know was how hard that first year was going to be. With a Son, not even 2 and developmentally and emotionally about 13 months, and this little baby girl in tow. It proved to be one of the hardest times I've yet to face. I felt so defeated. I stopped looking into the future and could only think of getting through the day. Sometime through the hour. I wondered often what we were thinking. Why did we plan this? Actually plan to have these kids so close together.

Now, here I am. All these years later. And as I listen to the daily interchanges between these 2 kids of mine I smile. I listen to dialogs of all sorts. Puppies and hero's. Villains and princesses. They are better, happier people because of each other. Each one of them has grown and developed in ways they would have never done had it not been for the other. They are best friends. A girl and her boy. Its perfect. Just as I had planned all those years back.

Im grateful for a Heavenly Father who knows and see's all. I find total peace in that fact. I know He will direct me in the right paths if I put my faith in Him and do as he asks. So many live their life in fear, especially in these times. But I find a calmness and reassurance. And with each big change that comes our way I feel this.

We cant know our futures. We can only live our best todays. Because life is made up of all the minutes that pass us by.

And after all those minutes here we are. 2 kids that love oneanother. That play together each day. In a way they complete each other. And I couldn't be more grateful for their spacing. All of those early days and months, they were all for this. And they have more than paid off.

Now as I see Olivia chasing after them, wanting so badly to be where they are and to do what they do. I just smile. I think of what my life has become. I think of all that I have been blessed with. And it makes me want to jump in and feel everything so completely. It goes too fast. And Im excited to soak up each day.