its hard to imagine that this baby is actually coming. That pretty soon I am going to have to start getting out newborn clothes to wash, buying baby soaps and lotions, getting an infant seat situated in our Honda Odyssey and sanitizing bottles and pacifiers. My heart is literally beating faster as I type this.
I feel so unprepared. It took almost 20 weeks to come to terms with the fact that this was actually happening and Im still wondering how we'll do it. When Im out at Target with my 3 little one's and Olivia wants to get out of the cart and run, or Ella is upset about not getting a certain cereal.... I imagine in my head the logistics of another baby. And I get scared. Really, truly scared.
Can I really do this? Am I prepared to handle 4 kids under 6 1/2? What will life's new day to day's be like? I get so nervous. I'd love to say that I have overcome my fears of this transition. I could lie and say that I cant wait for the chose that a Family of 6 will bring. That sounds harsh, I know. But the truth is I am terrified. I literally pray that I can be the Mom that everyone is going to need for me to be. That I can kiss every boo-boo, dress up every plate of food and wash every crease of skin. I pray that this baby, and my 3 others, will be able to be patient with me as I learn and that they will all know that I am trying my best. Because that I know. I will give it my all. These kids are too amazing and have far too much potential for me to let down. I know that I can and will love them all with every thing that I have in me. And maybe that's all I know. But no body can love these kids like I can. And I am truly excited to see what this little girl will add to our lives for Eternity. Because she's already such a big part of our crazy crew and we all love her so much already. That I can say. I love her. I totally, 100% love her, I can feel that love with every ounce of my being and that is what empowers me and excites me. And I hope that the Lord can and will increase my capacity to do all that I will need to for all of these beautiful babies of mine.
notice the wet hair? I need more energy because fancying is at the bottom of my list.
3 comments:
Jill,
It's seems so overwhelming, I am sure. We had five kids with the oldest being just seven. But this is what I've learned.
You will only have little ones for a very short while. Your newborn will be a newborn for a matter of weeks. Weeks! Your toddler will only toddle for a few more months.
I had a friend who always worried and felt angry and frustrated over her day to day life. She had a lot of little ones and for sure was working her tail off. But she seemed to wish away the early years. She couldn't wait for everyone to be big. To grow and go to kindergarten.
And she got her wish, they all grew. They all went to kindergarten. And she totally missed those amazing early years.
My goal has always been to enjoy it all. Even the crazy moments. (We have plenty!) I've learned I have to let things go. I no longer bring a fancy dish to every ward activity. It's enough right now just to show up. I no longer volunteer every week for every kids class at school. I come for the parties, and awards, and anything that showcases my kid. But the room Mom duties will have to wait for another year. I no longer bathe all my kids every bloomin' day like I did my first few. You will learn they don't need it. And if they do, they can do it themselves.
All the extras have been pushed aside, which has been absolutely liberating. I now have time to use for my husband and kids. I have no problem saying no to the rest of the world if it makes my job as a mother difficult.
I guess my point is, focus on your babies. Let the other stuff fall to the side for the next little while. In no time you will be back on your feet and doing everything you want to do. But right now just do what you need to. Enjoy this crazy, busy, amazing time. It will be gone before you know it. And there are no do-overs. :)
You will be awesome! And I bet you anything it comes a lot easier than you think it will. Heavenly Father sent you this sweet little one now because he knew it was the right time. And if he knows it's the right time, it is.
Good luck! Can't wait to meet her someday. She's lucky to come to a momma who wants so badly to do her best. If only all kids were so lucky.
You look amazing! Really, only 7 more weeks? You look like you are only 20 weeks pregnant. Seriously. You are such a great example to me Jill. I admire you more then you will ever know.
You look so great Jill, and I know you'll be able to handle whatever comes your way...even if its just one day at a time!
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