****WARNING*****
(lots and lots of self-pity and complaining ahead. feel free to skip this entry if you aren't interested)
I do not enjoy being pregnant. There... I said it. In fact, being pregnant is something I pretty much despise. Don't get me wrong, I thank my Father in Heaven for the blessing it is to bear my own children. But that doesn't mean I like it.
I hate the beginning. Rather, I hate the beginning after maybe the 8th day. Thats when the excitement factor has started to wear off and I get sick.
I hate feeling nauseous from sun up till sun down. I hate throwing up in the morning before I've even gotten a chance to eat anything. I hate feeling like I am so tired that I can hardly do the simplest daily tasks without passing out from exhaustion.
I eventually get annoyed at all of the moving and jabbing that goes along with sharing my body. I miss the way it feels to take a deep, un-altered breath. I get headaches and heartburn. My sciatic nerve feels like it is on fire. My feet and legs start to feel as though they are going to give way with all the weight. And I hate that I can not sleep at night. I don't even attempt to go to bed until almost midnight anymore because laying there for hours, constantly re-adjusting my heavy, perturbing belly, just infuriates me.
At least with a newborn who is up every couple of hours I can get uninterrupted, comfortable sleep. Even if it is for only a hour at a time, I'll take it. Its more than I am getting now.
Yes, I can honestly say I do not like being pregnant. I imagine everyday how I can not wait to be done with this. I will gladly take on these hard upcoming newborn months, she'll be out. And with that comes cares and concerns all their own. But she will be on the outside and I couldn't want anything more in the whole world right now.
So don't judge me too harshly. I chalk it all up to sleep deprivation and the inability to regulate my breath. Though its all true.
And yet, even at 9 months pregnant, I am still excited about having another one...... someday.
( i promise the next entry will be more positive and upbeat!)
on a side-note Ella said the funniest thing. I was about to read her a story for nap time and as I had her scoot over to make room for me in her twin bed she stated, "Mom.... you're so huge and big!"
I loved her honesty. This is why I do it all!
8 comments:
Oh Jill!!! Hang in there...the end is in sight!!!
And what Ella said totally made me laugh! :)
I totally feel your pain sister. You feel almost guilty saying you don't enjoy it, but it is hard. So worth it and such a blessing, but hard. This post was great birth control for me.
Love ya
Thank you for the honesty. At least I don't have to feel like I am alone. Pregnancy is hard for me too, and sadly enough, it feels like it just gets harder with each one. I too love having the children and feel more than blessed that I get to give birth to my children, but at the same time pregnancy is hard and tiring. So, you are not alone, or at least you and I are in this together. I feel guilty about it too. But, I do love my children and I would definatly say I am not done after this one I am pregnant with either. I love being a mother (although, that is hard too), but pregnancy has been very very hard this time around. I cannot wait for your little Olivia to be out of your belly and I really cannot wait for the all the pictures you will post. You are such a great photographer and I know we will reap all the blessings of your talent. keep hanging in there!!!
Be sure to let us know the arrival of Olivia. We are so excited for you all.
i don't really care for it either, but then you already know that. in a week you will be able to roll on to your stomach or back and sleep in whatever position you want. my favorite first thing to do after i give birth is to roll over and sleep on my stomach. it is the most amazing feeling in the world. being pregnant has some amazing moments but it is not a piece of cake. you bare it well and when all is said and done, at least it is only 9 months. i think elephants are pregnant for like 22 months. can you imagine being pregnant for almost 2 years?
yeah, I'm not one of those women who love being pregnant either! I hate those women who love it!How did they get so lucky having nothing to do for 9 month but smile and float on air in anticipation! not me!!!! It will be over soon Jill!!!!
You are supposed to feel this way at 37+ weeks. Otherwise you would NEVER be willing to go through labor! :) I will be honest, my hard part is the first 16 weeks. It sounds like you have it bad then, too. But man, I wish I could skip that part because I LOVE the rest. Even the 40 week mark. I just love being pregnant. I love it all.
As I type this I am having a good laugh, because if I do remember correctly, I wanted to die my last pregnancy and I said I would never be pregnant again. So scratch everything I just said. I am full of C.R.A.P.
I feel you girl! I'm not excited to EVER have another one. The fourth put me over the edge. Now, newbornism, I can totally handle. But pregnancy has a tendency to make me want to hyberbate for 10 months.
Can't wait to see what Olivia looks like, Luke and Ella are night and day.
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