"Leave me alone Mom, I'm not in the mood."
"Just go away!!"
"My teacher said I could!!!! She makes the rules."(As she says the first part her voice gets higher and louder with every word.)
"Well, we'll just see about that one"
"Whatever"
"Im not even talking to you"
all of this along with the sound of stomping feet, a tongue or two sticking out, and plenty of "humph" and groans. O' and throw in some crying when things don't go her way.
Now I have never claimed to be a Perfect parent and am sure I say things I should not. However, there are certainly things that come out of her mouth that I simply do not say. Where does she get these things? and why does she only pick up the bratty statements? How am I going to get her through the day without wanting to lock her in her room for hours? (hey, maybe I could try that) Am I the only one with a child like this?
Why does she have sooooo much attitude? And seriously, what do I do? Its getting bad. She just does not care about anything other than doing and saying what she wants. Punishment? Bring it on. She could loose all of her privileges and yet she still keeps at it. She even had an accident at Pre-School today. I was so angry. Not because of the accident but because I had to wake up a sleeping baby and haul a sick 5 year old out to bring her more clothes.
Clearly she is acting out but I don't know what to do. Nothing is working. She pushes and pushes. Demands and pouts. Have I created a monster? I blame my Dad (and several other admirer's) for giving her so much attention and constantly feeding her ego. Now that we've moved away from all of it she's trying to get it the hard way I suppose.
The sad part is that when she's got 1 on 1 time she is the same sweet, bubbly Ella who I know and love.
Sorry Ella, you can not be an only child, any other ideas?
15 comments:
Oh man, I'm sorry Jill. Just keeping on going, maybe she'll mellow out soon. Jarom has a sister that way and she's a 26- 6 year old (mentally handicapped who sounds much like ella on the attitude), so I know how hard it is living with that. I'm thinking about you! It will get better!
Ha! It must be really therapeutic to get this all out on paper, or keyboard, or computer screen, or whatever. Just out! It's awful that the rest of us can get a chuckle out of your current motherhood woes, but at least that means we've all been there. (Okay, and at least a little that we're glad it's not currently our kid.) Logan at almost 4 1/2 seems to be slowly and FINALLY getting out of his terrible twos, so to speak. Doesn't sound like he acted quite the same as Ella, but his inconsolable tantrums have been no fun to deal with. And if everything wasn't exactly like he wanted it when he woke up? What an ordeal? (He does still occasionally get mad at me if I have already showered by the time he gets out of bed.)
So now that I've written you a book or what I should have at least put in an e-mail, I have to say that the picture of Olivia wrapped in the towel with half her mouth covered and the wide eyes is SO cute!
give her some more responsibilities around the house -- or things like that, that could help her feel more needed an important -- since you are busy with baby and she's now in the middle! just go out of your way to acknowledge all good behavior, and don't give her the satisfaction of reacting to her negative behavior. (I am not saying IGNORE it, just don't treat it as importantly as you do her positive behavior) keep her busy... I notice that my kids start acting brattier and crazier when they have too much free time.
and most of all, remember that she is acting her age. she has to test the waters and boundaries to learn what is OK and what is not OK. so try to be consistant with whatever discipline/consequences you give her, but most of all make sure she knows it's her behavior that is bad, not her.
oh yeah, and PRAY! :)
love ya!
Garrren had been extra mouthy lately too. Seriously, where does it come from?
Hang in there Jill, your a great mom. And it's okay to lock them someplace safe every once in awhile....
If you ever want to get rid of her for a while, we'll take her.
I haven't read it yet but I've heard the book, "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson is really helpful.
My personal favourite (from Adam) is 'I am never speaking to you again for a thousand years.'
You're not the only one going through it!
i think it is part of a girl thing. they are just soooo dramatic. lily is a little mom and when things don't go her way, she stamps her feet and cries dramatically "it's not fair!"
When I took Jonathan to the Dr. last week for his well check, he recommended a book called How to have a new kid in five days, and he said that he has used it with his family and it really works. We could both do it together and commiserate if it is working or not. She is just being a three year old and by the time she is 13 you will be wishing she was 3! Love ya and hang in there.
I agree with your friend Jana...my nieces are the EXACT same way AND they are rubbing off on Brady. It's awesome ha ha
My advice was already given by Shari. Brady's teachers at school gave me some of that same advice...we have to constantly keep him busy and constantly highlight good behavior...it's working a little. Hopefully over time he won't need it as much and will be able to keep himself busy.
I do hear at 5 yrs old they get a little better ha ha
WOW! Maybe i am greatful i will have two boys! But even then they come with there own things to deal with.
The newest thing i have started with porter to help him is , i ask him if he is making a good choice. I actually got the idea from Jenny J, when she was visiting last month. When they do something we don't think is a good choice you ask them if it is a good choice. Then you start pointing out when they do make good choices and how happy that makes you. Seriously it is all a game untill you figure her out. It stinks that there is no RIGHT way to do anything, we just have to try.
The other thing is you could tell her how it makes you feel when she says or does something wrong or hurtful. Tell her it makes you sad! Hopefully that is helpful. But really your such a great mom, don't blame yourself. It takes time.
Wouldn't it be great if Ella begged you to let her speak nicely to you? Tell her you don't like to hear rude talk & put cotton in your ears, & pretend not to hear her for awhile. Just maybe she'll want to get another chance. Reminds me of when Ryan wouldn't do his chores & I "kicked him out" to the back yard for a few days to live in a box & eat top ramen. He asked if he could please come "back home" & do his chores. (He was 9 or 10.) [Charity thought it was a great adventure & went out with him, but she didn't want to come back in - had to force her- that's when she learned she could live w/o help, so not such a good lesson in her case.]
Okay, so Ella and Emma have a few things in common. The one on one Emma is a sweet lovable thing, but when the other siblings are in the mix...well, she is just a stubborn, sassy monster. Oh, we go the rounds! It seems that the more punishments she receives the worse she gets. We are trying to find ways to make her feel special in our family without giving in to her demands. It is a creative tightrope walk for us to help her be balanced. Maybe we'll figure this parenting thing out one of these days. Let us know if you find anything that works for you.
I've got one of those! I feel hopeless some days and like such a bad mom when I lose it and come to the end of my rope. I wish I had some solutions for you and for me for that matter I just have to keep telling myself that this is a stage. She can't be like this forever!
I'd love to find the magic solution and break her of some of these habits before she turns into "That girl" but I have yet to find them.
I also have to remind myself that she isn't like this every day! I have to celebrate the good in her more often then dwell on the bad. it helps me keep it all in perspective! I know I have alot to do with her mood. Like you, when I spend more time with htem it makes all the difference in the world. But with all our responsibilities it's impossible to devote your entire day to the kids. I've discovered that Cricket loves to help me clean!!! If I give her some of the cleaning responsibilities she'll happily work along side me. I blast some music and we make an activity of it. She also loves to cook with me. If I'm doing things that kids can't help out with She's just as happy to pretend cook if I give her a few bowls spoons and other fun cooking things. It's worth the extra clean up to have her close and entertained and feeling included.
Those are a few things I've picked up on. They aren't always the fix all I want but they do help.
Your not alone, your not a bad mom and it won't last forever! I have to tell myself that or else I'll go insane!
Oh, I am really worried I might have a child that doesn't care about punishment too (Brayden). He is in different ways, but man it is NOT fun. Oh, the fun of parenting. I really don't have any suggestions for you. I am trying to figure it out myself. Maybe I will read the other comments to see if anyone is able to help me too. Keep hanging in there!
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