Im outta' here!!!

3 days. No kids. Best friends. Apostles. Spiritually uplifted. Amazing classes. Flight by myself. Holding brand new Sarah Jane, eating goodies, nice Hotel, sleeping in, late night girl talk, beautiful weather.
Women's Conference here I come.
Dave, you are the best Husband. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Lessons

Having a child who has Autism has taught me a lot. Im stubborn and I can be selfish. I think Heavenly Father knew he had to send me Luke so that I could learn somethings I'd have otherwise not learned.

Initially it all felt like a daunting task. Something I could never do. There were days I barley made it through. Days where I cried and felt like an absolute failure. There have been many times where I had to re-adjust. Pick myself back up and try again. I knew if I could make it through that day we could start all over again the next. There was no manual that came with Luke's diagnosis. I was learning through trial and error on a daily basis.

What I wasn't prepared for was how amazing this little boy would be. He taught me about perseverance and hard work. He taught me that he could smash to bits the limitations I put on him. He taught me the joy of goals and the beauty of surpassing them. That as a Parent I could be a force to reckon with. He taught me how strong I was and what I could do when it came to helping and protecting my Children. Luke has taught me patience and pause. I have known amazement in ways I could never imagine.

Luke teaches me. Everyday. And I am so grateful for him. I am a better person for being his Mother.

7 months old

This little beauty is 7 months old today. What!? Where is time going? Luckily she is still just a few ounces over 13 lbs. (13.09 as of today) so its still sort of like she's my 4 month old.

What she's been up to-

loves to play with toys
good at sitting up
shares smiles with anyone and everyone
loves being outside
now says "Mama" when she wakes up in the morning, from naps or when I put her down. I know it sounds crazy but I swear she knows what she's saying.
babbles "Dada" now
loves her siblings. Ella is her new favorite person to watch and laugh at this month
has a great time splashing in the tub and getting mommy wet
loves her baby food and Gerber puffs
rolls all over the room to get moving where she wants to go
starting to drag herself a little
will finally watch a little Baby Einstein show once in a while


And as always sweet and good and the best baby in the World!!!

Mom's great idea

So its been a couple of days and here we are. Luke is still afraid. Not just afraid but terrified. And he's not just milking it or acting, he is more scared than I have ever seen him.

Last night he tried with all of his might but it just wasn't happening. He couldn't shake it as hard as he tried.So Dave ended up laying in bed with him until he fell asleep, again.

Tonight, same story. I even let him keep his light on and his door wide open. Didn't matter. After a while of horrified screaming, after I refused to lay with him until he slept, I had to give in. The last thing I need on my conscience is the idea that I have further traumatized my little boy. So I went back in. And I hugged him and kissed him and asked what I could do. He didn't know.

I finally got out of him that he was worried about his hands. Being able to see them at night was what it all came down to.

Amazing that Jumanji did this. And such an obscure moment. Not the Lion or the bad man with the gun. It was the boys hands as they were sucked into the game. I knew rationalization wasn't going to work with a 5 year old. I put myself in his shoes and thought. I asked him if it would help if he hid his hands under the blanket. It was a no-go, he said he could still feel them. Then it hit me. I ran downstairs and grabbed his Spiderman gloves.


We slipped them over his skinny little fingers and he smiled.

"Mom, I think this will work" He exclaimed. "I cant see my hands, they're hidden!"

I smiled at my cleverness, I admit. Hugged him, kissed him again and went downstairs.

And here we are, 20 minutes later. Not a peep. Not a sound. Thank goodness for a pair of gloves and a little imagination.


thanks for reminding me to snap a sleeping pic Julie.

not letting go

So I bought this delicious, its the only way to describe it, body wash the other day from Bath and Body works. I rarely go in there any more but I was with Luke and he's a big fan of all things scented. I knew he'd go completely nuts in this heaven for the nose so we hit it up. Right away his eyes lit up and we proceeded to smell everything. I mean it too, everything! It was like a candy store to someone like me or Ella.

I had no intention to purchase anything until we came upon the CO Bigelow line. Heavenly, simply heavenly. I couldn't leave the store without bringing a little bit home with us. And I did.

The thing is I almost never use it. Not because I don't like it, no way. And not because I still have another to empty. Simply put, I don't want to waste it. Doesn't that sound crazy? I know. The other day I was in the shower and I opened it, smelled it, closed the lid and proceeded to wash with my Dove body wash. Not nearly as luscious, I thought as I covered myself in the suds. After I got out I shook my head at the situation. Here I am trying to savor my pricey treat. I never buy this stuff for myself and I want it to last. But then I realize Dave is surly using it liberally, the kids have been thrilled to borrow it when I persuade them to shower. As soon as I got around to letting myself enjoy it there will be nothing left. Yet I still hesitate. 

So why do we put ourselves last? Why do the kids get new Summer clothes and sandals when our closet remains bare? Why do we eat last or sometimes not at all? I could go on and on. We know the questions and we certainly know the answers. But lets try harder. Put ourselves on our list, toward the top even. We need it and we  absolutely deserve it. 

I commit to using my new yet half empty body wash. If I treat myself a little more maybe I wont feel like it'll never come again.

**** side note, totally un-related. Dave just found out he has Mono. Awesome. Anyone want to help me clean my house now that he's out of the running? j/k*****

Going private

After watching an Oprah about child predators and distribution of stolen images of children, I have decided to go private. If you would like to be invited to read our family blog please send me your email address via comment or email. I hope you do.

The scared scar

When I was about 10 years old I was changed forever. It wasn't because I started to notice boys a little more or because I realized I was faster than most of them. It was because I was afraid. And it changed me for good.

I was in my room on San Roque with my little Sister Megan. Who knows what we were doing, probably arguing over cleaning our room or making up stories on a tape recorder. Suddenly there was a tap on the window. I vividly remember peering out into the dark night and seeing a horribly scary face staring back at me. It gives me chills now. He lunged at the window and ran away upon our screams of terror. I dont think anyone within a miles radius did not hear us. My Dad was in our rooms before I got my first breath and out the front door upon my 5th. I remember standing there with my Mom, unable to control my badly shaking body.

Long story short it ended up the terrifying face was a masked neighbor intending on the window of my older Sister. A good scare would be fun right? It turned into the nightmare I relived for years both awake and asleep. Knowing it was a prank gone wrong made absolutely no difference to a traumatized 10 year old. And that was when it all started.

I became afraid of everything. The fact that someone was watching me in the night never went away. All windows became covered after dusk, bathroom floors became my bed in the middle of the night, it would be years before I could sleep in my own twin bed or before I could go outside at night. I use to love scary movies. Strange I know. But it made me feel better, being afraid for a justifiable reason. If I awoke at night, scared from a bad dream, I would scream to get my Dad to come in and be with me. I was to afraid to get out of my bed and go into their room, it was like I was paralyzed. My Parents felt helpless. My siblings were seriously annoyed and unsympathetic. Normal functioning had a new standard.

I look back at that poor girl and my heart yearns to tell her she'd be okay. To not waste years on being afraid. I wish she'd have gotten help. It was that bad. It is so sad.

To this day I have a different normal when it comes to the dark and windows. The thoughts are always there. That scared little girl is still inside. I have gotten use to it though. Its the only way I know. Closed shutters and blinds, an over cautious sense, a highly over-exaggerated imagination. As a young adult, with mostly male friends who liked to play tricks, I issued a harsh warning never to scare me. Everyone close to me knew there was aline never to cross. I think I was too close to the looney bin and they didn't want to see me thrown in.

Night and I are not friends. I do not frequent it and I don't welcome it's arrival. Late nights and over-night travels for my Husband? I married someone who I knew it wouldn't be an issue with. Its why I said yes to a Dog. I am a little bit crazy. I know this. I've been working through it for 20 years.

This all come back in full effect when one of my kids feels afraid. Luke had such a hard time going to bed tonight. Who would have thought Jumanji could have done it? Evidently the part where the little boy gets sucked into the game can not leave his thoughts. It scared him terribly. And he can't sleep.

So I lay with him till he drifts off. I let him go into his Sisters bed when he wakes up again. And into mine when he's up for the third time. I have his Dad give him extra snuggles and to hold him tight. And if it happens 5 more times tonight and I get no sleep? I dont care. I will lay with him all night if I need to. Because I know. And its awful. And I pray he gets over each scare without a scar.

A beautiful Spring day

Well, I think snow is beautiful!!

We have gotten dumped on out here, so far a foot and counting. Its been fun, playing and having snowball fights together as a family in the backyard. Im trying not to get sad but its hard not to. This will probably be our last snow out here for the Season. It will be missed. Maybe not by the masses but surly by the Wirthlin Family.

Here we go....

It came. After weeks of excitedly checking the mail every day. Its official. And it already makes my heard ache a little bit. As of 1:45pm this afternoon Luke is officially enrolled in Kindergarten. He has a class full of peers that will be awaiting him as of August 7th. He has a teacher that will forever go down as his first. In a place where he will make some of his first long-term memories. He has a classroom. He even has friends from the Ward who will make this journey with him, several in fact.
So Mrs. Yokley, who I have never even heard of until today, get ready. You are in for a treat. I give you, Luke David Wirthlin. Please take good care of him. He's still very much my baby.

( this is the result of a iphoto picture taken at night, turned around backward... the point is still taken I hope)

Olivia's 6 month appointment

My Liv had her 6 month appointment today, just a week shy of 7 months. She was a champ. She hardly made a peep at her shots and did all sorts of performing for everyone. Due to the fact that she's been in and out of that office so much she's kind of a celebrity. Everyone comes in and says hello. Comments on how great she's looking and how cute she is. Kind of silly but it does make it a little extra thrill going to see everyone for her well baby visits.

She's doing great. Having lots of fun. Hitting the milestone's, all the good stuff. They're putting her on a multi-vitamin simply because she doesn't drink enough formula throughout the day to get her full vitamin intake.

This is all very dull, I know. But these little appointments all seem to blend in and I keep these posts more for my journaling than anything.

Weight- 13 lbs. 4 oz.- 3%

Length- 25 3/4" - 50%

head- 41.6 cm- 25%

Well, that's it. I know, thrilling. But we sure do love this peanut of ours.

A few funny words

Ella

Me: Go ask Daddy what he wants to eat for Dinner.
Ella: okay, be right back..... Daddy said he doesn't know what he can have. (he is sick)
what can he have Mommy?
Me: I dont know, he has to figure that out
Ella: I can help him... I know! How about tootsie-rolls.

Me: Ella, do you like School?

Ella: Yes.

Me: Whats you favorite part?

Ella: the food. (anyone who knows Ella knows how true this is)

Me: Ella, are you wearing Lukes underwear?
Ella: as she lift up her sleep shirt, umm... yep!!
Me: Why are you wearing boy underwear.
Ella: I dont know Mommy, girl underwear is just soooo weird. Its just weird Mommy. Just weird.


Luke

Luke: Mom, does Bjorn have diarrhea?
Me: not anymore
Luke: Dont you think Diarrhea sounds like a girls name?
Me: (laughing) it kind of does

Ella: (as she's spinning in circles in her Cinderella dress) Im so beautiful, Im soooo beautiful. I am sooooo beautiful
Luke: Ella, you're not that beautiful

Luke: Mom, did you know that Olivia is the prettiest girl in the world?

Mom: what about Ella

Luke: Nope, Olivia.

Easter Saturday

We decided to skip the Sunday basket mayhem and to celebrate the candy portion of Easter on Saturday. 

This ended up being a great idea that we may just keep around for a while. It gave us the opportunity to focus a little more on the real Easter meaning on the actual Holiday and a little less the hyped-up, candy aspect. I loved it!!!

The kids got a little bit of candy and the major portion of their baskets were filled with a toy and some fun goodies. Yes that meant Tums for Luke, who was thrilled with the surprise. Silly boy that one.

today was hard. a harder day than we've had with this handsome boy in months. It made me sad. It made me frustrated. It made me wonder why and what.. and all sorts of things.

But tomorrow will be better, things will be different. Because nothing keeps this little man down for long.

He is special indeed. Some wonder how we do it... I just feel lucky.

Happy Day

There is not much that makes me happier than when a baby can do this....



and I swear that is only an 8 ounce bottle, it looks huge!!!

3 years 3 months...the magic age

I waited a few weeks to post this, not wanting to jinks it or look a fool. But its been a few weeks now and I can honestly say these words. Ella is back!!!! and better than ever.

She has turned into such a good listener recently. She's been so much less moody and defiant. I can happily say she's been a true joy. Her maturity and sweetness have been in full effect. I have just been enjoying her so much.

Thanks Ella, we've needed this. Its been a long year. You are such a fun, smart, cute, whitty, kind, funny and silly whipper-snapper. Its worth your sass, independence and strong-willed personality that comes with it all.

Olivia's ears

I just love this angel girl. She is so good and so sweet. Even with a double ear infection she has been a dream. I had no idea she even had an ear infection. She was a little fussy, mostly at night. And a few days later she started running a fever so i knew I had to take her in. I was surprised at what she said. 2 terrible ear infections, poor thing. And I was excited to see her weight, knowing how big she's been feeling in my arms lately. That too was a surprise. She's a little under 13 lbs. and at 6 1/2 months old that puts her in the 3%. Man, no good news for us. Though they convinced me not to worry as she was getting longer, which means her bones are getting good nutrients (she was not growing in length in the past)

So, my girl has a few new medicines but nothing she cant handle. She's a champ, so tough. She's siting up quite well now and is still my doll of a girl. I love her like crazy.

by the way, if you missed it, check out the latest post about Dave's book. Its out and available for purchase.

Houndstooth is out!!!

The big day came yesterday. Dave's first published novel was released. It was a day that was coming for a while now, with a few hiccups and the press worried about shutting down in this economy, but it all worked out. And Houndstooth has arrived.
We are selling copies directly. 
Follow this link if you'd like to order a copy, we'll get it out to you as soon as possible. We really appreciate your support.
www.davidwirthlin.wordpress.com/store
Thanks!!! And congrat's to my accomplished Hubby, We're so proud. Luke has yet to put his copy down.

*****some have asked for a little info on the book. I know this is a bit vague but those who know Dave's writing style will understand why its hard to describe.

Its a fiction novel. Describing what its about is a really tricky thing to do, in the way its hard to describe modern art. But essentially its about a boy who nobody understands.

For a sample of his work go to his website. There is a link on the "publications" tab to a short story he had published in a journal. It will give you an idea of his writing style at the very least.
I love his book, its so smart and gets you to think. He writes very creatively, vividly, almost like a script. 

I hope this helps.

Happy Birthday Mommy, Dear.

Today is my mom's birthday. I wanted to sit down and type a little something for her. A little something that captures how much I love her or how fantastic she is as a Mom. As I sat down to do this I drew a blank. I left it and came back to it later, once again a blank. Not because she doesn't mean the world to me or because I couldn't come up with anything. Quite the contrary actually. Its intimidating to put into words the love and appreciation you feel for someone who has spent their life making yours better. My Mom has done that. Or for someone who has sacrificed, more than she probably realizes, to enrich your life. So , here it goes. I know I can in no way touch on what I want to, my writing is just not close to where it needs to be.

My Mom has 5 children. A feat I never gave her credit for. When I became a Mom myself I came to understand the enormity of that. What that meant and how she must have spent her days for most of her adult life. There are days that I feel like Im about to loose it. Days when it feels too much for me. And on those days I almost always think of my Mom. And I marvel at how she did it. 

My Mom always sells herself short. Its something that drives me crazy about her. She goes on and on about her kids, how wonderful they are and how she cant believe what capable, strong, good people they all turned out to be. Yet she never gives herself any credit. But I do. I think the greatest testament to who my Mom is (and what she's done in her life) are her children. She has raised us with everything a Child could want. Lots of love, respect, admiration, praise and purpose. She was always our biggest fan. It didnt matter if I drew a un-recognizable picture or winning athlete of the year, she was equally as proud and enthusiastic.

Amidst all of the craziness of my 3 kids I always have my Mom as my Cheerleader. She makes me feel like I am the best Mother, like I can do anything. I cant express how great it feels to always have her by my side, and how much I need it.

Happy Birthday Mom. I hope you've had a great day. I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you.

I love you.

Princess Luke?

As soon as Ella was old enough to really interact with Luke she jumped right in. She use to stare at him for months, eyes glued on what he was doing, watching every single movement. I knew she was dying to jump in. To be a participant in his games and antics, not just a bystander.

So when Ella was just a tad over 1, her newly found legs and verbal skills in tow, she jumped right into Luke's World. And it was the best thing that ever happened to the both of them. Soon she was Percy as he was Thomas, playing just when and how Luke asked her. Eventually she moved on to being Darth Vader, General Grevious, a Storm Trooper, Batman, Superman, Spiderman. Whatever Luke deemed her she would be, and she was happy to do so.

I remember the day when Ella realized she was more than just a side act. That she could stand up to Luke and usually come out ahead, getting her way in the mix. Luke asked her to be a Storm Trooper on one of their daily make-believe adventures. She looked at him for a minute and exclaimed "No!! I dont want to be a boy. I want to be a princess!" Luke, quick as could be, thought of a simple and satisfying solution. He happily offered her the role as Princess Leah to which she agreed. That was that. Crisis averted and play resumed as usual. But I saw the bigger picture. Ella was going to change the game forever with her new found opinions and the realization that she could now make the rules, set the stage.

From that point on things changed for good. Luke drug his feet at first but Ella eventually persuaded him. And after a little while it was Luke who became kitties, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty (complete with dress and shoes) Ponies, Care Bears and babies.

It was clear, Ella could get her way. And she did. And still does mostly. Every once in a while she will still play things Luke's way. And its a good thing that every Princess has her Prince because it makes for a good compromise. But I love that Luke will give in and play things Ella's way. That he allows her to put a princess crown and shoes on him. He rolls his eyes a little and gives a smirk or two along the way, but he does it. He is the Brother I always knew he'd be. Sweet, kind, submissive and adoring. Every little girls favorite playmate. And I love that when he's with the boys he jumps right back in to Star Wars and light sabers with the best of them.