Goodbye 2009, here we come 2010. Ready or not.

I will make this short and sweet. There is much to tell, which will be done another day. But, we can just say that 2010 is going to be a lot busier than we ever planned or expected. Here's why....



Yes, I am almost 10 weeks pregnant!!! If you are shocked reading this you have no idea how crazy it is to say. We never imagined that this was going to happen so soon but, thanks to Yaz (evidently the worst pill to ever be invented) here we are.

We have finally started to come to terms with it all, after weeks of total shock and disbelief.


The fact that this is my 5th pregnancy (I have miscarried once) in 5 1/2 years has lead to my bulging tummy a bit sooner than expected. Another reason why the word's coming out... because Im sure people are wondering why Im getting so fat!!

We have had several scares which have resulted in a few ultrasounds already. Everything looks great. Baby #4 has a very strong heartbeat and is growing perfectly!

Olivia and this baby (I think its a girl, Dave thinks its a Boy) will be almost 2 years apart, further than Luke and Ella. But for some reason this time around freaks me out waaaay more than before. Probably because I know what we're in for. The good news is that Luke will be in 1st grade a week later and Ella in preschool 4 days a week (half day) So I will experience a bit of sanity having only 2 home for a few hours a day.

An old post about my best Son

*** This blog was originally written in another blog, I no longer use that blog. I wanted to keep it for my own records/journal. I wrote this 10 months ago***

There are so many things that I could write about. So many things that I am grateful for. But today, in my silent house, all I can seem to think about is my Son. Lukie. Lukapotamus. L. Luke-a. Bud. Sometimes Prince Charming.

I was looking through my side table drawer last night and I came across a journal I use to keep. Much like this blog it is something once frequently visited. Life got busy, other things became the priority until, eventually the journal had been closed for good.. It just so happened that these pages were filled at a time of great struggles for me. It started about the time that Luke was diagnosed with AS, a very emotional one for our Family. Not because of the official pages hand-written by a Pediatric Neurologist stating the words. And not because those words have changed our lives. The reason that was such a trying time for me was because I was feeling as though I was a failure. I could not get through to my Son. He was often angry and upset. There were days that I would pray he would sleep a little longer, only because I did not know what to do with him many of his waking hours. Not proud thoughts for a Mother.

I was going through entry after entry. Remembering my struggles with this boy. Recalling all of the times I would just have to put him in his room to scream because there was nothing else to be done. I avoided going out in public with him. I had constant red scabs from angry encounters with his fingernails. He would pull my hair sometimes in fits of rage. Yes, it was a very trying time. I wondered what Heavenly Father was thinking sending me this boy. I could clearly do nothing right. I was obviously loosing. Failing and feeling pretty low. Embarrassingly, my greatest desire back thenwas for him to be "normal".. whatever that was. I constantly compared him to other boys his age and couldn't help but to feel sorrow. I envied the ease I saw in their days. And wondered what life would be like if Luke could understand the way I saw his friends grasping.

At that time most people never knew how bad things would get. How dark many of my days were. Nobody wants people to know that they have a child who is out of control. No one wants others to pity them because of their Son's short-comings.. I only wanted people to see the best parts of Luke. To know of his love, his honesty and sensitivity. How incredibly smart he was and how infectious his laugh was. There were good days. Back then they much less frequently but, when they came, they were magical. On those days I would lay in my bed at night wondering what I did differently. What I did that was right that day. What food's did he eat? I spent so much time waiting for things to turn or planning my day to avoid potential hazards that I could almost never fully enjoy them though. It was a wonder to me that, for many, those were constant, normal days. I couldn't imagine.

Our days were spent preparing ourselves for the next melt-down. I would avoid certain isles in the Grocery Store. I would be home at certain times, with no variables, for naps and bed times. My life was spent looking around the next corner. And it was physically and emotionally exhausting!!!

The reason why I bring these things out is not to feel sorry for myself. Or for Luke. Its to rejoice. The path that we took was one of hard work, consistencies and hope. I knew that I would do anything for Luke that I could do in order to help him come out. The real him. Behind those often glazed over eyes was my boy. The one who I have the privilege of being with everyday. He is an absolute joy. Watching him work so hard over the last couple of years has been so humbling. He amazes everyone with whom he's ever worked with.

In his last IEP, as he now no longer even qualifies for services, the head of the department spoke of Luke. She said that in her 20 years of working with children of various levels in the Special Education Department she had never seen anything like it. She stated that she had never witnessed so much change in one person before. That most people would probably never believe that his first IEP was even the same boy. I cried.

So now as I type this I cry again. I am so proud of this special little boy of ours. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father chose me to be his Mother. I cry because I get to see this tremendous spirit of his battle out the ghosts in his head, and to defeat them. He is strong, he is valiant. He is a fighter and he is wise. I can not tell you how much Luke has changed me. I value and embrace every good day, every smile and conversation. He has gone from being one of my greatest trials to my greatest joys. I have loved serving him and helping him through this part of his journey. He is a miracle that I have been blessed to watch unfold. I see now how lucky I really am. And I wouldn't change the past for anything. It has gotten us to where and who we are today.

The day after....

Twas' the day after Christmas, when all through the house
The dishwasher was running, barely avoiding a mouse
The stockings were strewn bout the family room floor
When it came to the candy, Ella couldn't have eaten more
The Children were fighting over who played with what
While visions of cleaning had made me a nut
There was wrapping and ribbons and boxes galore
There were blankets and toys strewn all over each floor
We had 5 DVD's that the kids wanted to watch
And a new wooden kitchen and air hockey table, top notch!
There were board games in plastic each kid wanted to play
But with reading all those directions, I hid them away
The sugar rush was still going, it was in full effect
Where have my real kids gone, the ones usually elect?
"Now Ella, Now Luke", I yell down the stairs
Calm down! Stop your fighting! Or Im taking your wears
There will be no more Star Wars, there will be no more dolls
I will take them right back to those horrible malls
You will have no more sugar, of this I am sure
It's going in the trash, I hope this is the cure
Of your insane behavior, you are driving me crazy
I dont have the energy, Im tired, Im lazy
So please stop your whining, your tears and your mood
After such a nice Christmas it's, simply put, rude
I sure hate you mess, and you sugar and noise
why do you insist on coming with these new toys?
Next year we'll skip candy, yes every last bit
It will be worth the initial Christmas Day fit
goodbye to you sugar, and chocolate cookies too
because all you are doing is making me blue
We had a great Christmas, of this there's not doubt
But moodiness and arguing's not what this Family's about
I cant wait for a clean house and happy, sweet kids
if these demands aren't met soon,well, I'll consider all bids.

Merry Christmas

I love this short video. I love the way it fills me with peace, gratitude and joy in the birth of our Savior. I am so grateful for Him and for His birth. I am grateful for the perfect example He is and for the things that He taught as he both lived on this Earth and after her was resurrected. I am grateful for the things that He continues to teach me every day. I know He is my Elder Brother, I know He lives and that He loves us. So much so that He suffered and died for us so that we may live Eternally with Him and our Father one day. This really is the greatest gift we could ever receive.

May you all have a wonderful Christmas. And may we all remember to keep Christ in our lives every day, not just during this Holiday Season.

Happy Birthday Ella Jane!

You are 4 years old now. In some ways I can not believe how quickly those 4 years went and in some ways I feel like you've been 3 forever.

As Daddy and I wrapped your Birthday presents we watched some old videos of you. All I could do was smile the entire time. I marveled at how small you were, how little hair you had and at how your eyes seemed to shine in every shot. It brought me back to the early days with you. Bringing you into our bed in the mornings and snuggling with you, kissing your fair skin and tickling you until you laughed so hard that you got the hiccups. I remember how sweet you were, how fun you were and how very smart you were.

And now here we are, so many years later and yet you are still that little baby in so many ways. Quick to steal the spotlight with your shining personality. Social and smart. Beautiful. There are also so many new things that we get to discover about you as time goes on. Here are a few things about you at age 4.

1. You are fiercely loyal. You stick up for your friends no matter what the situation. A boy from Church(about 8) was pointing out an arrangements of magnets on a chair that he thought was funny. You immediately assumed he was making fun of them and said, "that's not funny. My friend Maddie put those up, dont make fun of her." Now this boy was certainly not trying to tease anyone but you felt the need to stick up for your friend. No matter who this boy was or how old. There are so many situations like this one. You are the first to stand up for someone you love when you feel that there are feelings being hurt. And you don't let anyone intimidate you.

2. You are incredibly thoughtful. You are the first to want to do something for someone when you think they are in need. Sometimes its an extra hug. Sometimes a treat from the store. You have empathy way beyond your 4 years and I know it will be a blessing to others throughout your entire life. I came in to kiss you last night before I went to bed(something we do every single night) and as you stirred you hugged me tight and said, "Mommy, I want to buy you a purple dress so that maybe you can feel better." (I had been a little sick that day)

3. You are turning into such a great helper. You really enjoy helping out around the house, which has been really great for me,

4. You love to play pretend. You are very thorough in your conversations as you play, so much that I am often responding to you only to hear you say that it was your dolls talking to eachother. I have even been known to go to the basement to break up a fight to find that the fighting was just between 2 My Little Ponies. Yes, you are sometimes too realistic.

5. You love to snack. You could do so all day long. I am always finding you in the pantry with some pretzels or Cheez-its.

6. You love sweets and candy more than any little girl I have ever known. Maybe even more than I did!

7. You love clothes, particularly dresses. You change your clothes upwards of 4 times a day. It makes me crazy. When I dont see or hear you for a few minutes the first thing I usually yell is "Ella, you'd better not be changing!"

8. You are all girl. You love dolls, princesses, glitter, lace, ruffles, pink, shoes and your sparkly lip gloss. But you can also play in the dirt, take on a clone trooper or kick a ball with the best of them. I think its the perfect mix. One that may get the boys attention a little more than I'd like one day.

9. You love your Mommy. Even though I tell you to go back to sit with your class in Primary each Sunday, I love when you come sit on my lap and give me a hug and kiss. Sometimes you do this several times throughout Sharing Time.

10. You make life more exciting. You light up a room where ever you go. Our lives are all a little brighter with you in it.

We are so grateful for what you have brought to our lives, Ella. We love you so much.

Happy Birthday!!!!

Zoo Lights

One of my favorite parts about Grammy and Grandpa's visit was going to the Denver Zoo lights. It was so much fun. We got all bundled up and had a great night walking around the Zoo, admiring all of its impressive lights. They did such a great job! It seems like each year there are more and more beautiful lights surrounding the entire Zoo.

The kids were great, I got some warm hot coco, we got good news about Grammy's cancer, it was a warm evening... it was perfect!!! We love creating memories with people whom we love so much.

Its about time

As Dave put on Olivia's Christmas dress he told her that in order to wear it on Sunday she needed to start walking. You see, this dress was not cheap. I had to have it. I did NOT want her ruining it by crawling all over the floor in its rich, blue tulle. But she has just not wanted to walk. I kept threatening that if she was not walking in time then it would go back to Janie and Jack.

Sure enough, as soon as we started taking pictures of her standing in it, something she has done for months giving us false hopes, she walked over to me. I was about 7 feet away and she just went for it. It was so exciting. Proof that she has been capable for some time, just wanting to wait for the perfect moment.

See, I told you she was a good, obedient girl!

Biggest, bestest news

Got a call early last week from this hottie with a body... (the one in the pink, not the hottie in the red)

She had some news. It still makes me want to jump out of my skin when I say it....

CANCER FREE PEOPLE!!!!!!

Doesn't that just feel good to read? It feels great to type!!!! And I get to have her and her crew here for a week on the 28th for our Annual New Year's Bash!!! Literally, we all just bash eachother the entire time. That's how you know its love.

Funny stuff

Olivia was laughing at this Happy Meal Baseball toy for over 10 minutes. I though by the time I got the laptop it'd be over. I was wrong. I wonder what it was that she loves so much about this.

14 months

O' how I have loved these past 14 months. This little girl of ours has brought more joy to us than I ever could have imagined. She is smart and funny and cute and sweet.

Olivia loves to give hugs and kisses and will now do so on demand. The kids have loved this new trick and ask her for some love all day long. One of Olivia's favorite tricks is to lure them in with her kissing sound and puckered lips but as soon as they get close she pulls away and laughs. Well, most of the time she slaps them. (We're trying to teach her to be soft but its so hard when she bites or hits and all the kids so is laugh and tell her to do it again)

We have our first Sesame Street lover. The other 2 kids could have cared less about a furry, red monster but this girl thinks that Elmo hangs the moon. She sounds so cute when she says "Elmo" that it makes me love Sesame Street even more than ever. She especially loves, what she call's, "la la, La La" which means "Elms Song" And will ask for it several times a day. She gets the biggest smile on her face when we turn it on for her and will dance and sing along with her new found friend.

There is so much I could say about this fun girl but I will leave it at this. She is perfect, I mean it. And we couldn't all love her more if we tried.

Gratitude

I don't really have a lot to say. Just that I am grateful. So grateful. I have been blessed with an incredible Husband who is everything I need him to be, and more. I have been entrusted with 3 perfect spirits who motivate me to be better everyday. They teach me more than I could ever teach them and I am grateful for that gift. I have some of the best friends in the world and my life is blessed by them daily. I live in this choice Land where we have freedoms that most can only dream of. I was privileged to be born into a sacred covenant, an eternal Family. I have been blessed daily by belonging to the Lords Church here upon the Earth, with the same powers and revelations which existed when Christ himself walked on this Earth. I know this is His Church and I hold it closest to me, for without it nothing else would have near the meaning that it does. Every happiness I have is because of my Membership in it.

I have been blessed beyond belief and I am grateful to my Father in Heaven for all that I have, for all that He has given me.

I have been thinking about this quote a lot, especially today.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.-- Melody Beattie

I know that my life can be blessed, enriched and made more full by practicing gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving.

A perfect day!

This is one of my favorite Sunday's of the entire year, especially since having kids. Especially since becoming the Primary President.

Today was our Wards Primary Program. And it was perfect. This marked Ella's very first program and boy was she ever excited. Each week for the past month she has asked if it was Program day. And today I got to tell her yes!!!


Ella came down with a little cold yesterday, nothing terrible but enough so that I took her temperature late last night before going to bed myself. Imagine my surprise when the readout said 102. I was devastated. Not only to have a sick girl but I knew how excited she was about the next morning. Clothes were picked out. shoes bought, 2 Sunday's of long practice's had. And now, this? I asked her if she wanted Daddy to give her a blessing. She jumped on it right away. Dave came in, gave her a beautiful blessing and then I had a little talk with her.

"Ella, do you know who blessing's come from?"

"Heavenly Father."

"Do you have Faith that He can help you to feel better so that you can be in the Primary Program?"

"YES!!!"

"I do too honey, I know that you will be okay in the morning."

"I know it too Mommy."

I loved how much faith she had. And I too knew that Heavenly Father could heal her, if only for an hour.

Sure enough I took her temperature in the morning. 98. Perfect. I asked her if she felt okay, she said she felt really good. So we got ready and went to Church. She was darling, so happy to be there with her Primary, singing the songs she worked so hard on. She loved waving to her Aunt Charity and she loved looking back and flashing me smiles. At one point I reached up from my seat behinds her (yes, I sang too) and held her hand. She looked back at me, smiled sweetly, and politely put my hand back on my own lap.

Right after the program Dave took Ella home. I heard a few cough's here and there but my hand always met a cool forehead. I thought I'd play it safe. As soon as Dave got her home she started her fever again, almost immediately. 102.

I knew that Heavenly Father blessed her little body to be able to be healed, if only for those few hours. I know he could feel of her Faith and her righteous desire to be a part of such a special Sunday. It was a great day that I hope that she'll remember for a very long time, I know I will.

Luke was a star. He had some pretty awesome hand movements in the front row as he sang. Raising a high fist during each, "scripture Power" and other such things. He even sang in a quartet. It was beautiful. We had probably over 400 people there, the back of the Cultural Hall ended up being standing room only. I was so proud of my boy. He sang loud and strong and didn't seem a bit nervous.


Luke in his dapper suit. What a Handsome boy I have!

Poor Olivia was in need of a picture too. I cant believe that one day soon I will have 3 kids up there. She was such a good girl during the entire program today, she loves music more than almost any little girl I know. This was her day!

Music

I love music. I am extremely sentimental and my favorite thing about a song is how it can bring you right back. I can track some of the most important moments of my life with my ears and a melody. Spending time with some of my best friends, dancing with my little Sister, my first heart break, road trips to Utah and Vegas, the first night alone in my own apartments 2 states away from home, Holidays, first kisses, dancing with my wonderful Husband, stages in my Children's lives. Even as I write this and link those moments to specific tunes and melodies I am right back to them.

Last night I got into my Husbands car to head to the gym. As soon as turned the key I heard it. The song that almost always puts me in tears. Its a song I have always loved. I use to imagine singing it to my kids when I was a teenager. Its beautiful. It's one we all know. Its "Baby Mine"

This song took on an entirely new meaning to me about this time last year. My baby was 6 weeks old and a patient at Sky Ridge Hospital. She was hooked up to an array of machinery and she was not sleeping well. I remember that I too had a small hospital bed to sleep in that week, only I was rarely ever in it. Instead I spent most of my evenings sitting in a tan rocker or pacing the room with my tiny, restless baby. Holding her and pushing around a monster of a machine that followed us every couple of feet was a feat.

The second night of our 5 day stay I asked Dave to bring the laptop. I made a playlist, which is still in existence, called "Olivia Hospital" Each night I would push play on that playlist and sing to my Daughter as she looked up at me with her huge. blue eyes. The first song on there, and her favorite, was "Baby Mine." It was usually put on repeat a few times each night (and into the early morning) While the other Ped's patients and Parents were getting some shut-eye I was singing to my Olivia amidst beeps and darkness. And wondering what in the world we were doing there.

But we were there. And, for some strange reason, I hold those days and memories very close to my heart. I think because it taught me so much. And it gave me an insight on my Children that I don't think I could have ever otherwise had. But mostly I think its because I have never felt so close to my Heavenly Father and his love for his Children.

Yes, I love the way that memories flood back each time I hear a familiar song. And especially this song. I could listen to it all day long.

(this is not a video...just a song disguised as a video)

Luke's post, typed by Mom

These are the things that are on Luke's mind right now. I didn't prompt him at all. That would have ruined the fun. Did I mention how in love I am with this sweet boy? O' and I love that he said he wish'd he'd get to go to the Gym... Its been a little while:)

"Hi this is Luke. I am 5 years old. And I just want to have my Dog feel better. And I just love my Mom very much. And she's my girlfriend. And I really want to marry her.

Today Im sick. I hope I will feel better. And I like Mama's big blue eyes. And I wish I could go to the gym someday. And I really want to go snowboarding.

My Sister's are so pretty. And I really like Mom's big red lips. And I really want to eat some snow in Winter.

I really like Charlie, he's my friend.

And I really like Dad's green eyes, just like me. He reads me Harry Potter. Every night. And thats awesome.

And I really like Mom's brown, brown hair.

When I grow up I want to be a Doctor. A person Doctor to help kids get better. I want to be a Doctor because Im smart enough. And I like to help people. And I like the color White the best.

The End.

November 18, 2009"

My big girl

I am loving our new morning routine. It goes as follows...

About 6am, or there about, one of the kids creep into our room and let us know that they are awake. I tell them to go potty and to play in their room for a while. For some reason kid #2 hears kid #1 awake, no matter how soundless kid #1 is. Kid #2 wakes up and joins #1 in playing. After about 20 minutes the party moves downstairs. Dave and I are still warm in our beds. Olivia will be toes up for another couple of hours.

We usually end up downstairs when a fight or argument transpires. The first one or 2 goes on without much movement from either Parent. But after about #3 it gets louder and its clear that its time to start Parenting. We take turns each day dragging our tired selves out of bed to resolve the issue. Sometimes we turn on a show and stumble back into bed, others its clear that we won't be able to ignore them any longer, show or no show.

Today was my turn as I heard Ella yelling. Ella is usually the culprit. I pushed the heavy down comforter off of my warm body and walked, sleepily, down the stairs. I expected a scene. With the noise and angry pouts I expected to be met with each Child yelling their side of the story. Who did what, who touched who... the usual. But there Luke was, on the other side of the room. And Ella... playing her Leapster and yelling!

I asked what was going on, to which she replied that the game was hard and she felt frustrated.

"I can't do it , Mommy. I am not good at writing my ABC's!" She yelled.

I tried to console her, asked if I could help. And then, in an instant she screamed, turned the power button off and threw her Leapster across the room. As she did this she yelled, "I hate this game. Im not good. Im just a baby. Im a teeny, tiny little girl who can't do anything big." And she ran into the other room. Im not kidding. And it was all said so dramatically that as she stomped out of the room I couldn't help but crack a little smile, unknowing to her. Okay, it was a big smile.

I went to her. I hugged her and told her that writing the alphabet was hard and would take a lot of practice. I gave her a kiss and asked her if she wanted me to help her.

We picked up the, thankfully, heavy duty game. And I helped her write the letter's K, L, O and E. She did great. She proceeded to do a few on her own while beaming with pride.

And then I told her that she was a very smart and very big girl. And that if she ever threw her Leapster again it would be in time out for a week.

That fuse of her's will be extra fun in about 10 years, no?

Aspergers video

I have liked this video for sometime, he does a great job explaining Aspergers Syndrome. Not all of this apply's to Luke, as every case can vary so much, but overall I enjoy his insight.
Warning- this is 8 minutes long but watch if you'd like.

Our feminine athlete

Ella was a great Soccer player. She has been excited for weeks to be a part of this little team and it did not disappoint. She loved her shin guards and her new pink soccer shorts. She loved having a shirt with her name and number on it. She loved her Coach. She loved that she was the tallest on her team. She was a little bit annoyed that her shirt wasn't pink, until she put it together that it was the exact same blue shirts as Luke's team was last season.

She scored 2 goals, though she was kind of a cheat. Okay, she was totally a cheat. She picked up the ball as she got close to the goal and made it so that it aligned perfectly with the center of the net. Luke had a good talking to her about following the rules. Most of the other kids, girls especially, didnt even attempt to dribble the ball and I was glad that she was at least attempting. Hands and all.

We cant wait till next Saturday!

I should have known....

That this day was going to do me in. At about 1pm, half way through the day folks, I noticed this....

Thats right, 2 different shoes. I had been to Luke's School, taken the Dog to the groomers, stopped at the Camera Store to admire the D700, and even taken Olivia to the Doctors!!!!

This is a bad sign people. A very bad sign.

As I lay with Luke to tuck him into bed I confided in him that I was grumpy.

He gave a sympathetic smile and said, "I know Mom. Its all right."

When I asked him how he knew that I was grumpy he simply stated, "I heard you."

I guess even the tome in my voice gave away the fact that, for no real reason in particular, this was a long and hard day.

Clearly.

Maybe my best find yet

Upon asking what Luke wanted for Christmas I discovered I needed to look into finding an air hockey table? Yes, he asked for an air hockey table. 1 big problem... the nice ones, that are slick and fast and can quietly blow a good amount of air? Well they're run around $1,000. So I tried to find other things to get him excited about. And he would have been just fine. But I found something pretty cool.



I found this. An Artic Wind Air Hockey table. On Craigslist. Within minutes of it being posted. And it was under $100. And its almost brand new, retailing at $1400!!! Insane. We picked it up today.

Shhhhh!!! Dont tell Luke. This Christmas is going to be so much fun. I love that we decided to just do 1 big gift for each kid rather than a few smaller ones. I cant wait for him to play with it all morning long... with me hopefully.

Happy Halloween

from our little Elephant, Harry Potter and the cutest Bee you'll ever see....












I hope your Halloween was filled with as much candy, spooks and fun as ours!

A Family First

I think these pictures say it all. We all had another snow day, even Dave! We are lucky enough to live right next to this great sledding hill. The kids were excited to try out their new $4 sleds, they did not disappoint. Olivia. all bundled up in her snow gear, looked hilarious. And its like she knew it too because she just kept laughing after we got her dressed. She lasted about 3 minutes, we didn't take into consideration how windy it was at the top of the hill, really it was miserable. We put Olivia back in the warm car and started up a Baby Einstein show. She was happy to hangout there for the next 30 minutes while the rest of the crew got down to some serious fun. Luke was amazing. Didnt care if he ate it. Didnt care if he was wet or cold. He just wanted to climb back up that hill and do it again, it got Dave really excited about starting him on snowboarding in a few weeks time. Ella had a blast, especially when she got to go down with Mom and Dad. It wasn't the being alone she cared about it was the fact that when she was sledding solo she ended up falling off by the end of the run. She was not too happy with the face plow into the snow. But she was quick to forgive her purple sled and soon decided not to let it stop her.

Man, it was a fun day!!! I cant believe we finally bought a sled and took the kids, why did we ever wait so long?

Not my favorite tradition...

There is almost nothing that I like about carving Pumpkins. Its messy and its time consuming. And it smells bad. I hate the feeling of slimy pumpkin pulp on my hands. I hate the feeling of pickling out slick seeds. The only part about Halloween Pumpkins that I like is going to the Pumpkin Patch. And we didn't even get to do that this year, which was really hard on me. I felt so defeated and embarrassed grabbing our pumpkins off of a wooden palette at King Soopers. It went against everything I believe. But it was either that or nothing, as we were hours away from being hit by this huge storm and there were approximately 10 pumpkins left in the city of Parker. Seriously. By the time I left the store there was not a single pumpkin left in the bunch, not even the deformed ones.
So I will participate in this tradition for 3 reasons and 3 reasons only....


I have never seen kids so excited to do this....



Im glad we don't have to do this for another year. But, mark my words, we will hit the pumpkin patch next time around.

A snowy day in October

As a Child, like most, I always wanted to live where there was snow. From the ages of 5 through 7 I got to experience Utah Winters. They were magical. I was hooked.

As an Adult I still craved those snowy Winter days. Living in Orange County you can imagine how often I got to race a sled down a hill, recently blanketed with white snow. Never. Sure there was the occasional visit up to Big Bear but they were few and far between. When Dave was accepted into the Art Institute of Chicago one of the first things that entered my mind was " Illinois. It snows in Illinois!!!" That childhood excitement caught hold and I couldn't wait.

As Summer came to an end and the chill started to hit the air I could almost smell the snow. Despite others telling me of all the inconveniences that snow brings, especially to an adult, I was still sure we would become fast friends.

To this day I love snow. And I mean LOVE. I endure Summer, barely, knowing that every day that comes and goes is a day closer to cooler Weather. When Fall hits the air it literally awakens me. There is something about putting on that first cozy sweater of the Season. And then it hits. So quickly after that first sweater. The snow.

I love it all. I still feel as a Child, running through it. Checking my tracks behind me, catching snowflakes on my tongue, making snowballs and snow angels.I love to speed down a tall hill on a slick, plastic sled. I love the way the city looks, so uniform. Everything covered in bright, white snow.. To me it is special and it is magical. And it is everything I remember it being as a 5 year old.

True, with it comes slushy streets and wet shoes. It is a hassle to shovel the walk and the driveway. It does take forever to bundle kids up. My car's mats need a good cleaning after a while in it and it can prevent us from staying on schedule. But I still love it. And its totally worth it for me. Just look at these kids faces. They were almost as happy as I was today. Our first official snow day of the Season.

13 months old

Being your Mommy is the greatest thing in the World. You are so fun and happy. I recently discovered that you are much more of a Mama's girl than I have ever know. While in CA you would not go to anybody and would cry the moment I walked away. It made for 1 tired Mommy but it also made me glad. I have never has a child who needed me the way I feel like you do. Its good for my ego. You love to eat, even though you were loosing weight as of your last Dr. visit. At 16 lbs. 10 oz. you still fit well into your 6-12 month clothes. I thought this elephant costume was appropriate for my little peanut.

You learn new words just about every day at this point. Yesterday was "shoe". I love this stage, its so fun and exciting.

I love you my sweet, sweet girl.

Some things that I learned

This past week I have learned a lot. It was quite amazing actually. I thought I'd share a few of them.

1. I can take 3 kids, by myself, from a parking structure to check-in, through security and on a 2 1/2 hour plane ride. Along with 3 kids I can also manage a double stroller, 2 backpacks, an Ariel Doll, a huge diaper bag, 2 large suitcases a purse and a travel cot. I never thought I could do this, turn's out... I can. And I did. Twice.

2. I can miss an entire week of my TV shows and not even flinch about it. Because there was no time to watch them anyways.

3. I can go 8 days without caffeine.

4. I can get my hair done while entertaining a tired, clingy 12 month old on my lap for the entire 90 minutes.

5. I can take 3 little ones to Disneyland without a Husband to hold anyone or help me open and close a stroller.




6. Sometimes you just have to put your baby on the dirty ground at Disneyland in order to have 2 hands which are necessary for opening up a double stroller.

7. I am stronger than I thought I was.

8. I am more independent than I thought I could be.

9. I can maneuver carseats and seatbelts each time I am in a SUV that was clearly never made to have 3 car seats in its tight row. This takes about 5 minutes each time and I have scratches and bruises on my fingers but I did it. Though I can't promise that there weren't inappropriate words going through my head. I can not express how huge of a pain this was.

10. I need my Husband more than I ever realized before, he's the best Dad out there. And such a great support for me constantly.

11. I can hold a 1 year old while putting a 3 year old and a 5 year old(though not at the same time, that really would be a feat) on a tall, slippery carousel horse. Tricky but doable.



12. 10 days as a single parent were hard. I was really tired and really frustrated. And that was even with a few family and friends to help out on occasion.

13. There is magic in being friends with someone who insists that you drop your 2 older kids off for an impromptu slumber party so that you can help your Sister a little more.

14. Getting a manipedi in a salon can make a 3 year old happy for days. A huge thanks to "Aunt" Jenny. Big moment in Ella's life.



15. A trip like this can be great birth control!!!!

16. I can fit into an airplane bathroom with a 13 month old and an almost 4 year old. Its a little tight but we can do it. Just as long as I can have the door open afterwards to help pull pants up.

17. The Nordstroms Rack's in CA are waaaayyyy better than the one's in CO. Its maybe a good thing though, keeps me from going much.

18. That you can be in a chemo room with one of your closest friends and laugh so hard that tears stream down your face.

19. I can spend a hot afternoon at the alleged " Happiest Place on Earth" and still have the energy to do it all again till closing (9pm that night) with Luke. This, by the way, was super fun! I loved being with my SIL and watching Luke with his rad Cousins.




20. My kids are better than I give them credit for being. They are, simply put, amazing!!! I am one lucky Mama!


21. Last but not least, clearly, I will never go on vacation again without my camera. Though I really didn't have anywhere to put it... anywhere! You know what? I will just never go on a vacation again with all the kids and no Husband. If I have a Husband, he'll carry the camera!


.... And I love my Litttle Sister more than I could ever say. I am so happy she is recovering so well from such a major surgery.



Check out this rad scar, it goes even further down too.



It was a great little vacation. I was so tired and so busy but it was well worth it. I loved spending time with a few friends and family. I especially loved having so much 1 on 1 time with my little sister. I love her so much!!! I only wish I could do more for her while I was there.

Proof

That Olivia is the sweetest, best behaved 12 month old ever.

Olivia had had a hard time putting on weight, we all know this by now, no? So at her 12 month appointment they were pretty worried when she went from a pretty consistent 3rd % to being off the charts. They had me come back at a later day to do a weight check with the Doctor who knows her so well. Today was that day.

Weight? Well, she lost an ounce in 3 weeks. Not what they wanted to see. Puts her even further off the chart than before. The good news? She now gets to drink Carnation Instant Breakfast to her hearts content. Bad news? Dr. Gill checked her ears and saw that she had a terrible ear infection in BOTH! She asked if she'd been grumpy? Sleeping poorly? This was the case last week but I thought it was all teething related. I told her I even had a friend check her ears to be sure and that all looked well. She let me know that even if things were clear a week ago these things can go downhill really fast. Which they did for Liv.

The funny part is that my friend told me to look for higher fevers, to watch for poor sleeping. He told me that if she was grumpy or upset to bring her in. I watched for all of those things and she was fine. She ate well, the past few days she has slept about 17-18 hours in a 24 hour period, pretty normal for her. So I never thought of it again.

Right, so I felt like Mom of the year today.

Again, does this just not prove that sometimes no good can come from being so good and happy. The Dr. said she should be miserable. But my girl? Its just not in her I guess.

Sorry Olivia... and why are you so perfect?! I am just one lucky Mama.

Motherhood

I have chosen to be a Wife and a Mother for a living. This was a fact that I felt as far back as my memory will allow me to go. I never longed to be among the stars as an Astronaut or to treat the wounds of small animals as a Veterinarian. I never envisioned standing at the head of a classroom as a Teacher or for pleading the case of clients in a courtroom. My future would be filled with children and carpools and play dates and washing. I knew that my hands were given to me by a Father in Heaven for tucking little one's in to bed, turning the pages of a book as I read to my child and pulling little socks onto even smaller feet.

But never in my wildest imaginations could I have known what I know now. Certainly I have become that Astronaut, only the stars I am among are not made of hydrogen and helium but of flesh and bone . And a Doctor, bandaging wounds and wiping tears. Prescribing medicine of my choice, a hug or a kiss is my most popular choice. I have been teaching little minds day in and day out for 5 1/2 years with no break and no pay. Teaching the importance of integrity, Faith, compassion and kindness. Teaching how important it is to not only know how to read and to write but to love and to understand. And I have become that Lawyer, pleading my Children's cases. Fighting for what they need without a moments thought of ever stopping.

Being a Mother is both everything I ever though it would be and nothing like it at all. Because how could I have ever imagined a Luke or an Ella or an Olivia? My mind could have never thought up such things. Because there is nothing like them in the entire World. And I am so grateful that I get to go through this journey of life with them by my side, teaching me and loving me.

An afternoon gone wrong?

Dave and I wanted to do something fun today. He's leaving on Thursday morning for a conference in NY and the kids and I will be in CA for a week as of Saturday. We wanted to do something new, something different. We rarely get up to the mountains and so it hit us. We got the kids ready and headed up to a beautiful pass in Georgetown. We could let the kids play in the Fall leaves and run around the open fields. We were very excited.

We got up to the little town in about 90 minutes, Olivia cried most of the way (yes, my girl HATES the car) And just as we headed about 100 yards up the pass we saw a big flashing sign, which read, "Pass Closed"

I was so upset. Not angry, upset. As in I wanted to cry and I was so disappointed. But I decided not to let it get the best of me. Life with 3 young kids has taught us to accept a change in plans. We have become Masters of rolling with the punches. So we drove back down, parked the car and walked around this little town, which was darling.

The kids played on rocks, we ate homemade ice cream and candy and we enjoyed being together in a new, beautiful place.

So what if I didn't get my Fall leaves shots. I got something better. Perspective. I have the best Family and being and doing anything with them is the greatest adventure.

Olivia get in shape...

Well, maybe it was just her hair getting a bit of shape. My sweet girl's hair has kind of come in in a mow hawk. This means that its was time to clean it up a tad, though there's really not a ton you can do to but to give it time. But if Ella can end up with such amazing hair then there is no doubt that Olivia will be just fine.

She was so good. After the hairdresser started pulling her hair up and cutting Olivia started to look a little worried. After a couple of tears I grabbed a lollipop, her first, and handed to her. That did it. She was so absorbed in that little sucker! I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.



So hooray for 1st haircuts!!

Olivia's Paris party

I have been a slacker in getting these up. I had hoped to have more pictures but I have discovered when you're the hostess and Mom you never get the chance to be behind a camera as much as you'd like.

It was a super fun party. We had about 60 balloons in white, bright pink and black. There were eiffel towers everywhere and lots of black and white damask. It was really pretty and sheik.

Ashley, my good friend, made the most adorable cake. It was perfect! She even made one just for Olivia to destroy. Thanks again to her, I loved them.


The note cards were for everyone to write little birthday wishes to Olivia. It was so much fun to see what sweet things, especially the little kids, wrote. And the sugar cookies were shaped like Eiffel Towers. The kids got to decorate them with icing and loads of candy. I also made Eiffel Tower chocolate sucker molds, which I never did get a picture of. They were very cute and yummy.


We had lots of great friends who came. I am so sad I didn't get a picture with everyone in the shot. We are so blessed by our wonderful friendships.


Lots of cake fun!!! She loved snacking on that yummy cake. So did I!


I know Olivia will never remember her 1st birthday but it was so much fun for me to plan. We had our Liv video and picture slideshow playing, an Olivia trivia game and lots and lots of yummy snacks. I think it was a great success!

A big thank you to my Parents who flew out for the Family celebration's. We love you so much!!!!

It happened!!!

Its official people.....


Olivia has just cut her 1st tooth!!!

Congratulations... you really do have teeth in those gums.

Im so proud!

Daves' second book will be out in about a month. It's amazing and exciting. Getting published, especially in this economy and with the kind of writing he does, is a huge deal. Dave doesn't make a big deal about it. He isn't ever the one to pat himself on the back or draw attention to his accomplishments. So I feel it my job. So this is a brag about Dave, because I know he'd never do it. And because I am a beaming Wife. So if bragging about Husbands annoys you feel free to skip this one because I cant NOT gush about this hottie.

Dave never graduated from High School. He got Mono his Sr. year and felt that playing catch up was a waste of his time. In fact, he felt all of HS was a waste of time. So, against his Parents wishes, he opted to get his GED. Obviously his Parents were concerned. Any Parent would be. They knew Dave's mind and felt that his bright future was going out the door with that test. Im sure they were worried. Im sure they were disappointed in his decision to quit on High School. Who would have guessed he would have chosen Education for a living!

The GED didn't slow him down. After taking some time at a JC he decided to hit school with some intent. He discovered what he wanted to do and never looked back.

He finished his undergraduate at Chapman, a wonderful private University in Orange, CA. He graduated with highest honors and was ready and excited to continue towards his goal. He was accepted into the #1 ranked MFA program in the Nation, The School of the Art Institute of Chicago. It was there that he really started to get noticed for his talent. He graduated with straight A'S, an acceptance from a publishing house to publish his first book, and 2 children.

It turned out that a MFA wasn't enough for him and he craved more. University of Denver has one of the best PhD. programs in creative Writing in the Country. He was ecstatic upon finding out he'd been accepted. While at DU he has continued his straight A streak and has fallen even more in love with what he's chosen to do for a living. His first book came out during this time and his second will be out within the month. He is the only one in his program to have accomplished this.

And here we are. Some people ask if its been hard to have moved around so much, following Dave's Schooling since the day we were married. The answer is No! Its been one of my greatest happinesses. I have loved watching Dave's love and passion for what he does. I love to see how highly his work is thought of in his field. I love watching him light up when he talks about the things he writes. It has been my privilege to be with Dave through this journey of learning. I am so proud of him.

He has had some pretty incredible things written and said about him. Some compliments that have just floored from some of the most well- loved and revered writers there are in his field.

I wanted to post this, which I hope is okay. These are 2 people who are very well-known in what they do. Both were excited to write these blurbs for his upcoming book. Pretty incredible. Both of these people are about as good as they get at what they do and write.

The marvelous inventiveness of David Wirthlin’s Your Disappearance will sweep over its lucky readers in waves. Look for it lightly disguised as canaries, pencil shavings, mysterious spirals, perpetually rotating rocks, recurring dogs and fields wherein one might just vanish. Strange, lovely, generous, disturbing, Your Disappearance is the work of a writer of exceptional talent.

— Laird Hunt


Shadows play across this story of being in time where silence and subtlety are the main attractions. The shapes resulting tell us about relation, about the shifts, disappearances, and returns that define cohabitation. How we share imagined, actual, and propositional space is informed by the transformations between us. Your Disappearance goes after this with precision and an eye for those understated events that fall between the cracks.

—Renee Gladman

(Renee Gladman is a big wig at Brown University. We hope that she will remember Dave if there is ever an opening there. Teaching in their program would be Dave's dream teaching job)


Pretty cool, huhh? I love my Dave and will forever be grateful for this journey of discovery and excitement.

Jenny Jenny Bo Benny

I realized recently that I never posted anything about my "girls trip" with Jenny. The funny this is, I think about that week all the time. I wanted to journal all about it. It was fun, it was silly. It was everything I needed. We shopped, we laughed,we sang, we laughed, we ate and teased each other. We screamed on rollercoasters and sung as loud as we could at concerts. We laughed some more and only cried once, for a moment. We were who we always are together. Not even cancer can take the sarcasm and giggles from us.

But I never did, write about it that is. Its hard for me even now to put words together about that trip. Im not trying to come across dramatic but its true. I think because, when it comes to Jenny, I feel too full and that makes it hard to come up with words, simple as they may be. Jenny is, and I know she'll hate this, a sacred topic for me. I think about her always. I imagine what she's had to endure thus far in her life. I go back to that phone call that I got from her on that Spring evening and I still feel the same shock that hit me that day. I try to imagine what I would do and how I would cope if it were me. And that is why Jenny is too special to me. There are the regular old reasons. All 100 of the reasons why I love her and have for some time now. And then there are the "C word"(as she so lovingly calls it) reasons. The reasons that have come about since I have been witness to her battle.

I had a conversation with my Dad recently, totally unrelated to this topic, and his words hit me. I know that there are times in our life where we endure trials in order to learn and then there are times in our life when the Lord, in his wisdom, deems us worthy to become, as he was, the teacher. Jenny.... she is my teacher. She has taught me more than I could ever imagine over the past few months. She has taught me self- reflection, how important it is to push my kids on a swing, how important it is to laugh, the true miracle of my life and that of my children. She has taught me such important, sacred things that I will forever be in debt to her.

I hope she forgives me for this post. She is the last person who wants attention of any kind aimed at her. And I know her greatest wish is for everyone to treat her the same as they ever did, to know that Cancer in no way defines who she is. But it has changed her, and everyone who loves her. And I hate that she has to be the one to take this on. To teach, like she is doing for me, so many others. But I am grateful to her for allowing herself to be just that, my teacher. For literally changing who I want to be on the inside. What a gift you have given though I feel selfish for taking it. And I love you. And I love your Family and I loved, I loved that trip with you..... even though you sang the same annoying word to a song waaaaayyy to much, made me shop until I was broke and almost blew us up in a gas fire.

I can't wait for next time!!!! O' and don't hate me for this post:)

Olivia Lou Wirthlin

September 24th is here again...

which means that my baby is 1 year old.

As I went to bed last night I couldn't help but think of that night a year ago. How excited I was and how very little sleep I got. The next morning was a whirlwind. Checking into the Hospital at 5 in the morning, 2 hours earlier than we needed to thanks to someone's mis-information. The butterfly's in my stomach as they started hooking me up on all sorts of machines and IV's. I knew that this would be a day that I would remember for as long as I lived. The day our family welcomed 1 more spirit from heaven. The day Olivia would change our lives.

Things started out slowly and I was discouraged. "Here comes another 17 hour labor (Ella) I thought" But in a whirlwind you came into this world,catching us all off guard. I went from a 5 to holding your sweet little body in my arms with in 11 minutes. I remember the panic I felt as I tried with all my might to keep you from coming so fast, as the Doctor was running down the hall. We became famous in that Hospital on that day (even if it was just for that day), the baby who was 10 seconds from being delivered by our young Nurse.

You were a beautiful baby and,I loved how much you looked like your handsome brother. You hardly cried for hours. Even when having your first bath there were no tears, just big wide eyes looking straight at Daddy.

Your scares started at an early age. At about 5 hours old you stopped breathing, the first time. While your birthday twin, Tyler, was holding you Charity commented on how red you were looking. She took you from him and started bringing you to me. I will never forget her face as she stood at the foot of my bed and yelled, "she's red. She's really red." and after a pause, "she's not breathing!!!!" She rushed you to me and all I remember was your tiny face, now a light blue, eyes wide and panicked. All I wanted to do was to make everything better for you but all I could think to do was turn you downward as I hit your back over and over again. Within seconds Tyler had run out into the hall yelling for help, and then back into the room with a determined nurse by his side. She grabbed you from me and got to work right away, sucking what seemed like gallons of thick goo from your mouth and nose. You started to cry and I felt like I too could finally breath. They watched you overnight, after pumping your tiny stomach, and determined that it all came from being born so quickly, not enough contractions to squeeze all the "stuff" out before you entered the world. Ahhhh, so thats why you never cried, you really couldn't.

There was so much that happened in the following weeks and months. More health scares, hospital stays and surgery. It was a hard yet calm time. I know the Lord was helping us through it because, amidst all the chaos, I frequently felt peace.

There is a different bond that must come with so many scares and so much worry. Watching your baby sleep for hours, making sure she is still breathing, pulling the car over several times on a trip to be sure that she's just asleep and not quiet for other reasons.

I remember once, at about 3 or 4 months old, going into your room to wake you from a morning nap. It was time to take the kids to School which meant your sleep was going to need to come to an abrupt end. You have always been our lightest sleeper. The quiet creek from the door usually awakened you. I was surprised that this time was not like the others in that way. I made my way to the crib and looked at you. I remember staring at you, marveling at how much love there was in my heart for you. I gently stroked your head and whispered, "Olivia. time to wake up." nothing, not even the tiniest movement. I remember being over come with fear. I shook you harder this time and will never forget how heavy your little body felt as I pushed it back and forth. There was still no movement and I will never forget the thought I had, "So this is what its like to come into your child's room and find them dead." I picked you up and yelled, to which you popped open your huge, blue eyes and gazed sleepily at me with a questionable look. I remember holding you. Shaking and crying. I shook the entire way to Luke's School and back. I have never been so afraid in my life. And I hope to never have those fleeting thoughts again. I never talk about that day, I dont even know if I ever told Dave about it.

So, yes, we have had a special bond. I assume that comes with things that we went through together. Long nights rocking in a hospital glider. Singing numberless songs to you as you lay, all hooked up, in a metal crib. The feelings that overcame me the first time you smiled, hours and hours after your major surgery.

You are a special girl Olivia. I love you more than I can even describe. It flows out of me daily and I cant help but know that you are going to do great things in the life. I am so proud of you and so grateful for you.

Happy Birthday my little Liv.

yummy cake, you went totally crazy on the frosting!

In your "1" shirt. Video and better pictures to come....

Stats

Weight 16 lbs. 11 oz. (not on the charts anymore )
Length: 28 inches (25%)

5 days and counting...

Ella has been dry for 5 days straight. Now this may sound silly for me to post about, especially since she is almost 4 and has been "potty-training" since she was 2.

Let me walk you through it.

Age 2. It starts. Ella has always done everything early. She is one of only a few who I have ever known to have almost 50 words in her vocabulary by age 1. Yes, 50. So, here I thought would be no different. It started out well. Within 2 days she would go on the potty just about any time I put her on. But when I didnt initiate it... accidents 100% of the time.

Age 2 years 2 months. Nothing changing. Driving my self crazy. I pull out the pull-ups and put away the underwear. For a little while at least, I tell myself.

Age 2 years 9 months. Round 2 starts. Goes well, no more #2 accidents. Potty accidents, all the time! This time I go strong for almost 6 months. Putting her on the potty all day long, cleaning up accidents when I go too long. No changes except that I am about to loose it.

Age 3 years 4 months. Call the Doctor. Meet with Doctor to get info on new things to try. Check for UTI. This comes back clear. Go home, try all new methods.... see NO changes. Can anyone guess how frustrated we are? Including Ella herself?

Age 3 years 6 months. Start to put 2 and 2 together a bit more seriously. Didn't she have major surgery on her ureter due to refluxing into kidneys? Couldn't this be a piece of the puzzle? Now, to give myself a little credit, I have thought this before. Its the only reason why I never went totally ballistic through all of this. But I didn't want to use it as an excuse seeing as how she is also extremely stubborn. And that too could be the issue.

So I get information from new Dr. Urologist. I won't go into all the detail but he says" Let it go for a while. This is not her fault. Her body can not tell when urine is coming out until too late." etc. I feel bad. I let go. Out comes the pull-ups on my 3 1/2 year old. Which kills me. But I am also relieved to not be thinking about any of this.

Fast forward to this week. She is getting it. Just like he said she eventually would. She has learned to read her body in ways that not many little ones have had to. And she is soooo excited. After the first few successes she has been accident free. I think she got it. I think.

And we are all so relieved. Out comes the cute undies, out goes the Folex. Out come the smiles. 2 years is way to long to potty train.

Good job Ella. I am so proud of you. (and good job to Mom and Dad too... we made it)

O' and I think we deserve an easy time doing this with Olivia. Between all we had to go through with Luke, at the height of so many autism-related sensory issues; which I wont even get into, and now this... well we just need it for our sanity.

Something new...

I have always loved change. I get antsy when I'm in the same place and doing the same things. Maybe this is due to the fact that, as an Army Brat, its in my blood. But its true. And today it was time for just that. A change. And this is the way I got it....




So, good bye to the same old thing. And hello to a new look.